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28 January 2006

Saturday slushie

UNCLE PHIIIIIILLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Tatyana Ali looks great in these pictures. Bruvas you betta squeeze out a good one to these..I heard she only likes white guys..

When, How, Why, Where, and WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yes, What the Blue Fuck is right Fresh
. David Gest (Liza Minelli's former husband/punchingbag) and Da' Brat??!! DATING?!! This is like the unholiest of unheterosexual couples EVAR!! I think they've just one upped Star and Al as the most ambiguously gay duo. How do you even begin to figure out what goes in what hole? It's a rubix cube of a mystery I tells ya. I just hope this is a cruel fucking joke for the sake of my sanity and appetite.

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27 January 2006

Ray J- the GANGBANGER

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AP: So you're a former gangbanger?

Ray J: Yeah. As a teenager ... I was young and just trying to find myself. (PFFT!..)

AP: I've read that you've been shot at so many times, you can't remember all of them.(LMAO!!..yeah right!) Did they ever shoot at you for being Brandy's brother? (Probably..lol)

Ray J: (Laughs) No. When you live in Carson and Compton and Long Beach and you growin' up in the neighborhood, getting shot at is just a regular thing. If you're hanging out at the school after hours with your friends and y'all shootin' dice and people are drinking and smoking and it's a gang environment and it's a party life constantly, that's where another rival gang targets. Just wearing red or wearing blue, in L.A., you get shot at. It was just one day when I almost got shot in front of my house, my grandma, in front of my family, and I realized it was no more fun and games. We used to run and laugh and hop the gate and get away, but that time I felt like my life was being threatened. read the rest

*sigh*..Can someone say CORN!!!

Ray-J *nigga please stare* Who you tryna fool with that suspect shirt? What set you from homay?! Da Pink Pantha's? Let's face it. The only gangbanging you've participated in required astroglide and a sturdy bed. I've come to the conclusion that this is nothing more than a ploy to sell records to the hood. Or "pimp the hood" as the #1 Hater Star (of Star and Buckwild) likes to call it.. It's really a shame that artists think selling a 'tough guy' image works for everyone. It really doesn't and it actually makes you look like a fucking clown. Just be your cute cornball self Ray-J. You might not sell a million records, but at least you'll still have your dignity(and Brandy's Moesha money).


Refresh button...


--According the the Daily news and via Fresh Ray-J was spotted bustin' slobs with ole girl "Supahead"..Looks like he's not so homo. But he damn sho' got the yuck mouth...Ewww


Oh yea, remember I was tellin' you all about the Carmen Bryan/Nas book expose' thingy. Well here's the website. She's really trying to get her lil 15 minutes of fame. She even said she wants to turn the whole hip-hopera into a musical..Not a movie but a musical?!!! Here's a few links for her upcoming interview in King Magazine's March issue(shout out to MIKE BLESS of SOHH):
It+Was+Written+ s-m-h

I guess hoes are gonna have the Best Year EVAR!



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B.E.T--Ya dead wrong.

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I don't know about you, but I've been seeing commercials for this BET special: 25 Most @#%! Moments in Black History, hosted by none other than racially charged comedian Paul Mooney. In the commercial he says some dumb ass joke: "It's like selling slaves, you can't look away because you might be next.." or some corn like that. OK, at this point i'm just SMH.
BET is notorious for stupid shit, wackness, ignance', clown ass rappers, ass and titty shaking, oh and did I mention--Gospel? But this has got to be the dumbest fucking show to ever air; even more shit stained than Homeboy's In Outer Space.

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I would like to know what genuis brought up the bright idea of a show like this the day before BLACK HISTORY MONTH!? Or at all for that matter. They would get a swift punch to the nasal bone if I had my way. Do they really think black folk are that shallow and mindless that we cackle and knee slap at anything they pull out their ass and throw on the tube? What happened to the news? Oh, I remembeeer. They cut the news so they could show more ASSSS SHAKING.Why did Rap City fall off? Why does "Bobby Jones Gospel Hour",come on right after Uncut
*sings* "Oh whyY-i-i-i are all your shows all CRAP?!!" ..Every show they have is generic spinoff of another show. Pa.the.tic

Why go out of your way to poke fun at your own people instead of uplifting and pointing out the positive that we do. I seriously suggest B.E.T put themselves at the number one spot because cause they're damn sure #1 on my list.

Edit: Wow. I posted a comment on the BET Discussion board as "Zwiqqyred" along with other people appalled at the show and they erase them. BET is really fucking pathetic. I'm gonna keep posting more just to piss them off. Join me if you feel the same way..

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26 January 2006

Randoms..


Jada Pinkett Smith with her band "Wicked Wisdom"..sniff sniff..Is that the smell of corn and H.A.M?!..Where is will when ya need him? He need's to sit honey down and have a heart to heart with her, hold her hand or something..

This just in..

--So I heard about this early last year waaay before Karrine "Superhoe" Stephans decided to go mainstream media whore. But apparently Nas' ex/baby mama, Carmen Bryan is set to release her book called :"Sex, Drugs and Hip-Hop — Oh, and Did I Mention Love?" She's supposed to be airing out her relationship with NaS & her role with the whole Jay/NaS beef. Read the rest right chea...

In my opinion, I think Carmen should just get over it, stfu, and move on. NaS is long gone and happily married with Kelis (to my dismay :( ) This is probably the only book a young hoodrat will read this year, and look at the title! Just pathetic. And what's worse is she'll probably get a seat in front of Tyra, go on some big media shit blitz, and take up valuable book shelve space. All for nothing. HOE SIT DOWN.

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Look like Ms. Eve Jeffers is movin' on up tooOOO whiiiite guyyyys. And Robin Givens is well--Robin Givens. I think they both look great/happy..That's all that matters :)

--More reason why Mary J. Blige is Queen: listen to this Busta/Mary/Rah Digga/Missy-Touch It rmx. Hotness...

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STILLETOS. PUMPS...IN THE SNOW!!

--Ladies, ladies LADIES. I'm just gonna get straight to the point. STOP WEARING FUCKING STILLETOS AND SHORT ASS SKIRTS IN COLD WEATHER!! You know who you are. We all see your shiverin ass at the bus stop in a extra smedium lime green Rocawear coat, denim mini-skirt up your ass, and some lopsided ass rundown pumps. Just stop it--alright? You are not in a fuckin' music video. It is cold. When it is cold you put clothes on. Warm clothes. Get it? Got it? Good.







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23 January 2006

Yesterday was my birthday

The anniversary of yours truly's birthday was yesterday 1.22.84. I'm 22 years old now..I sure as hell don't feel like it or look it.. What did I do? I had an ok. time. Went out to dinner with my cousins, chilled, sang Happy Birthday..got some money (I sure as hell needed it)..I didn't drink..Especially after what happened New Year's. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

I'll post whenever I get the chance or whenever something interesting smacks me in the face. Right now school is my number one priority. But while I'm here let me share with you a little segment I like to call:

My thoughts:

On the Camron vs. Jay-Z; Black Ashton Kutcher; Hovi Baby..blah blah blah

- Chanclatas? Jeans with chanclatas..Roofles! Cam is hilarious. I love a good tongue lashing(esp at the expense of Jay-Z), but Camron's angry man rant borders on grade school lunchroom antics. I can't call it..I'll hold my verdict until Joe Camel clap's back..(if he does)

more thoughts to come later bitches..I have class to attend.. :(



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20 January 2006


Penelope Cruz is the new Angelina Jolie.
Are those Sean's kids? idk and don't care. Buuut...

Question: Why do celebrities and politicians think they can gain "black people passes" if they let little unfortunate kids kiss all on em or say stupid shit. I'd revoke them shits and distribute HOE SIT DOWN awards like my girl Supasister..

LOL...Nah nigga this ain't Destiny's Mama. Presenting the "Dreamettes" for the upcoming film "Dreamgirls". Bey looks like somebody's mama. Jennifer looks somebody's Big mama, and ole girl off to the side looks like stepsister. It just ain't right..lol. [Source]



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Oprah you need to get "Sophia" on em'

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I love Oprah..I really do. She is the epitome of what women(esp black women) should aspire to be. A rich beyaaaaatch. I love the fact that she can be on such a personal/emotional level with her guests; and yet still gloat about the fact that she is richer than you EVAR will be. Even in your wildest dreams BITCHES!!! You really have no choice but to love Ms. O. She's had Steadman on hold more than an EMS operator in the ghetto. I wonder what their bedtime conversations are like. : "Steadman, prop my book up with the tip of your index finger for me. And after you're done with that be sure that my kids (her dogs) receive their camomile and greentea bath. Now chop chop skiddadle nugga!!"

But today I just wasn't feelin' you O. I need that "You tol' Harpo ta' beat me?!" Oprah in my life. That Ms. Sophia that's quick to lay a saltine down in his tracks without even blinking..

In case you missed it she had Jaimee Foxworth aka "Crave" (Judy from Family Matters) on the show, explaining how she got into porn.; and some backwood's hick parents that hired a skripper for their son's 16th birthday party (and got into big trouble over it; rightfully so). I must say Oprah's kinda' late with the Crave thing...But nonetheless I set my comcast reminder. If lil innocent Judy can't escape the dangers of child stardom..What's next?! Little Ritchie doing foot fetish porn with some Michael Jackson glitter shoes. They call it Thrilleeeeer..Thrillllller night!

The show starts off dramatic: TODAY on Oprah: What's the BIGGEST Mistake you've ever made..*scary music*


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Jaimee: "I was naive, drunk and my broke ass
b/f wanted me to do it "

Oprah: "What about working at Mickey D's?"

J: "Bitch is you crazy!? My weave might catch fire
on the fry machine. Do you know how much Yaki perm
costs these days?!" (*tosses dry ass weave*)

O: "Oh my bad! Well damn, you ain't gotta be all snippy about it.
Carry on hoe bag..."




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"Well like I was sayin' befo' I was so rudely interrupted(*rollseyes*)..I couldn't walk
around with out holding my head high
or [...] without people saying "Eww"

O: "Umm..eww is right. And yes Family DOES Matter. Moving ooOooon.

Now next, we have the Lyin' ass parents, 16 year old boy(or girl) and the Skripper with NO Wardrobe..

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Skripper tranny hoe is on the left..

Ummm..The one on the right is the son. No comment.


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Mayella Ewell and daddy Bob look lye-fully clean
(To Kill a Mockingbird ref. for all you non-reading mofo's).
I bet they still use outhouses where they live..

O: What the hell was yall crackas thinkin! Do do you regret hiring a skripper?

Ignant mammy: No..I'm just mad we got caught..
Ignant pappy: Welp Oprah..some partsa me was fo' it and some parts was 'gainst it

*crowd chuckles*

O: Now you know you done fukked up right? You know that? You know you done fukked up?...The skripper got naked and rub her genitals *gasp* against the boys..
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O: I don't understand this shit. This is some
fucked up repugnant shit..Dr. Joyce..please help me to understand
before I smack this bitch. She keep starin' at me like she want WAR!
You better tell her..Ms. O don't play dat!..Uh unh(*sucks teeth and chicken necks*)


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Dr. J: You love your kids right? I can tell you do..

Ignant Mammy: Yes I do..I didn't watch the act...just the boys did..

Dr.J: Bit-c...Ahhh
(*restrains self*)...You tellin' me the skripper wasn't
good for adults to watch, but 16 year old gi--err boy's to watch?!. You smoking that
sticky icky aintya bitch?

Ignant Pappy: Well, she was depressed at the time..me too. I had to cook all the meals, and take
time off from work..You can't leave 16 year old's unsupervised for too long..

Oprah: *mumbles* Oh no he didn't just say...I give up

Dr. J: *gives up and blames incident on American culture*

O: *agrees with Dr.J*

Next Tuesday: This white man said we ALL bout to die yall! Missles, Bird Flu..all that good shit. Watch or DIE BITCHES!



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17 January 2006

The idiots are out of hibernation



It was back to college for my black ass today. Today was the first day of my Spring semester after a long break (May-today). And if today was any indication of what's to come, I really am not looking forward to the semester. But yes, The fucking idiots are out of hibernation (not including me *wink*). But you wanna know why I say that? (If you don't-fuck you)..Here's why:

So I'm sitting in my first class today at 9:30 (Abnormal Psych) of about 100 people. Big ass lecture hall. My community college ass isn't used to large lecture halls like this. I thought it was gonna be about 40 people. But anywhooo...I promptly found a seat in the back, pulled out my notebook, and tried to pay attention. So the professor starts going on and on and on about the usual bullshit: "My name is blah blah, I'm smarter than you are blah blah, I have this and blah blah that degree from said shitty university, I am old and my hearing is going could you speak up blah blah, syllabus blah blah BLAH"





So she starts the chapter and she asks the class to write down 3 traits of what is normal, seeing as though this is abnormal psych. What she really wanted was to feel out the percentage of idiots in her class. There is many. So idiot after idiot raises their hands and spits random crap.

Idiot #1: able to hold down a job (*blank stare*)
Idiot #2: open minded (We'll come back to this idiot..)
Idiot #3: ability to reason( that wasn't too idiotic because that's one I wrote down)
Idiot #4: An individualistic perception of what is normal (theres always that one psuedo-intellectual that has to turn the tables in order to make himself look smart, but ends up making himself look like a--you guessed it--IDIOT!)


So we stop the exercise and she makes all the left-handed kids come up to the front. "Are they normal?" she asks...I'm thinking "Yea left-handed people are normal" because I know the professor bitch is going to try some slick shit. But of course there were idiots who said left-handers are not normal(*rolls eyes*) Next, she goes down the idiot list of "What is normal" and asks the students who volunteered their answers for explanations. I told you she was going to try some slick shit!

Professor bitch: *Points out unemployed left-hander*.."Is she normal? She isn't employed.."
Idiot #1: Uhh..ummm..uhh..Well, I was talking about people who aren't mentally able to work..
PB: Well, I have patients who are schizophrenic who can hold down a job..
Idiot #1: *DEFEATED*

PB: Idiot number 2. Why aren't abnormal people open-minded?
Idiot #2: Uhh..umm...Because they don't like to rationalize?..
PB: Well, "rationalize" and "open-minded" are not the same thing (they really aren't)
Idiot#2: Well, I work in a hospital and they(crazy ass patients) don't like to do what you tell them
PB: So what does open-minded mean?
Idiot#2: *stares straight ahead for 2 fucking minutes (I kid you not!) in awkward silence*
PB: *FLAWLESS VICTORY!*

Accoriding to Webster's Dictionary:

Main Entry: open-mind·ed
Pronunciation: "O-p&n-'mIn-d&d
Function: adjective
: receptive to arguments or ideas
- open-mind·ed·ly adverb
- open-mind·ed·ness noun

This bitch sat and said NOTHING! It made me want to get up, walk across the room and smack the Optimum perm out of that bitch's head. Make something up! Say "Ummmmm"..Or how the standard "I don't know"..idiot response UGH. College is not fucking elementary school people. If you have the ta-ta's to raise your hand in a class of 100 people and say something even remotely intelligent, please have the knowledge to back it up. Do NOT just sit there and look stupid. There aren't many black people in that class and that dumb broad just set off the semester on the wrong foot.

Question: Black people. Why O' why must you insist upon sitting next to every other black person in a class full of white folks? Why you got this row looking like the black kids table at Crackaville, USA Highschool at lunch time? I don't know yo' ass! And no I won't take notes for yo' ass when you decide not to come to class. Spread out people! You won't get lighter if you sit next to a person of a different ethnicity...Damn! Besides, your Sulfur 8 grease is making me nauseaous..





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13 January 2006

There's nothing about Remy


There's something about Remy...

That reminds me of Thanksgiving..OOOooooOOh I remember..the smell of honey glazed H.A.M! (H.A.M never gets old to me..hilarity..lol)

Remy Mother at her album listening party for There's Something About Remy: Based on a True Story

YOU.


LOOK.


A MESS!


And lets not forget the cake yall....


I kid you not. When I first took a gander at it, I thought it was Star Jones sprawled across that masterpiece of a cake. YUCK! Wrap me a piece in foil, I'll take it home for later....

rest of the pics..

P.S- I'm alwaaays tweaking my posts..Adding shit, taking shit away, changing punctuation; pretty much whenever I find something interesting or is well deserving of a good helping of ether, i'll add it. And if Blogger acts up I have to do the post all over again (arrrgggH!)..This blog is ever evolving So if you see something one minute and don't see it the next, you're not crazy..lol. It's just me 'tweaking'. Yall have a good evenin' now..
*tips hat*


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Destiny's Orphans

So my lazy ass is channel surfing one day and stop at VH1 Soul to see a new video. I thought to myself "Hmmm, they seem eerily familiar. Where o' where have I seen them before?".....

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....Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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Their single "Rock-a-Bye" is kinda cute and catchy... I waited for the end credits half expecting their group name to be "Destiny's Abortion", but to my dismay they call themselves "Black Buddafly"

Buddafly?!?..smh. That sounds like it could be the name of Mimi's next album..

*SIGH* Black people. Listen and listen well. We've got to stop misspelling words for the sake of coolness..Cmon now..think about it..What if Beyonce took a break from outshining Kelly and said.."OoooOoo OOoo I know what we should call the group: Destiny's Chirrens!"

Not good. Not good at all.

I see they're signed to Def Jam..Looks like Hovi Baby is looking for some Destiny's Clones to bring the bacon home; seeing as though What'sherface-Mari and Rhiahhwhat'sthatgirlsname faded to black quicker than Crunchy Black at midnight.



In other news..

--Case of the 20 year old Jesus Juice:

January 12, 2006,
*A 20-year-old man has filed a civil lawsuit in California against Michael Jackson claiming the pop star sexually molested him on different occasions between the ages of two and 14.

read the rest...




--J-Hood Loses house in fire

PSA: Ignant ass rap niccas, please wait at least 2mths before you make this a punchline

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11 January 2006

OH.
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MY.
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GAWD!
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Star Jones at a book signing for her new book entitled "
Shine: Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love" (muffled laughter)..This is definitely not a good look (As if she ever was)..But she's beginning to look downright scary, like an anorexic cow. Please don't loose anymore weight Star- for your sake and Al's homosexuality as well.

Now you knooow.....


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Pretty self explanatory..Swizz Beats wifey..But is it me or does Mashonda look just a few shades lighter here as a child. Maybe she got that reverse vitiligo..Mike Jack need to holla at her.


The following is a condition i've dubbed: Ashy Lipped Negro Syndrome (ALNS).
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Cracky mate!!! Just observe the mildly talented studio gangstas and crack fiends glare at the camera so menacingly. Be very cautious, they will attack if provoked with just the mere mention or sight of Chap Stick or petroleum jelly.


What could possibly be on Bobbay's mind?--Hmm..I'll take a stab at it.

.:*Jeopardy Music*:.
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What is CRACK ROCKS for 500 Alex!
Cor-Rect!


CVS Generic Brand Hov and Bey
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And I don't wanna hear "aww...they look cute Takeitoutside"..I know that nigglet! But it's my job to hate yaheardmeh?


Smile for me Fabby...
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If you can't beat em join em'. I personally don't like the grilled up look AT ALL. Fab should have just got that Jerome yuckmouth some veneers or something. But whatever's clever. I still love you Fab, just stay away from the powdered donuts(*whispers* and crack)


A blast from the gully past
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And yet another victim of ALNS. Drag-on looks like a little puppy dog orphan all by himself in the corner. He's just itching to scream:" Where my daaawwgs at?!!!!!" (On crack..smh. Come back to us DMX!)

A breath of fresh air

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[image via ybf]


Lauryn Hill photo spread in the upcoming Feb issue of Essence looking fab-U-lous. Hopefully this year's music from L-Boog will be just as fab..



P.S. Apparently my blog has been dubbed a "spam blog" by Blogger and now I have this stupid ass word verification everytime I do a new post. UGH. Let me be the first to say. If you are offended by my blog, a few cuss words (well a lot) and what I post..Tough shit. Wipe the similac from your chin, change your shitty diaper, and grow the fuck up.




If you don't like it, don't click here. For all those that do enjoy my brash style of humor keep clicking because I'm gonna keep posting :)


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08 January 2006

You shol' is uuuugly!

I couldn't resist folks..but doesn't that sound like what's runnin' through Meagan Goode's mind??

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Sprinkle some haterade (Caption away!!)

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07 January 2006

I seriously feel like crap...

Right about now, so I won't be making any new posts for a few days..I know I know..It sucks..But I will be back very soon!




Shout out to all my loyal readers--love ya! :)



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03 January 2006

I ain't one to gossip...

But if they don't do it..what will I have to hate on??


We're gonna start this post off nice and slow, but then we gonna get nice and hateful..

--Rev Run and family at New Year's 2006 in New York City - MTV New Year's Bash
Awww..They are such a good looking family. I certainly can't hate on that..

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--Looks like BIG RUEB is back and he's dropped some weight..Keep up the good work and maybe you can get rid of that towel bruvva..


Aight, Enough with that gooey gooey gumdrop shit....lets get HATEFUL shall we..


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--Ummm..I done forgot where I came across this pic, but seriously. Look like Miss Celie in drag with a little twang of Grace Jones. And what's really swell with the Golden Child hat? Take out your calculators class:


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--Ciara!, GET YO' ASS UP OFF THAT DAMN FLOOR. Humpin and pumpin like you gettin' banged out doggystyle (Bow Wow style that is...lol) Didn't mama teach you no home trainin' chile?!.. GET YO' ASS UP. [ Bernie ] Immeeegiately [ / Mac ]

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--Poor fucking kid. And please tell me why this strumpet is even famous? Let's hope he will end up like his father. For the sake of Brit's career..


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Caption this pic


--Seems like black womens can't get enough of that sweet tender white meat. Robin Thicke, Gabrielle Union and Sanaa Lathan look like they sippin on that lean while they get they lean on. And I'm mad at Robin Thicke. That's one corn fed ass white boy I'd consider fucking, pre-haircut. Now he just looks like a corn fed ass white boy making wack ass songs with Skateboard P..I'm disgusted.

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The ambiguously gay duo strikes again. This is fucking disgusting folks. Put on a sarong, beach towel, curtain? something bitch!. Don'tnobodywannaseealladat! [image via Concreteloop]



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--And last but not certainly least, we have Nik of ANTM and Lil "ooglyassstankbreafcockeyed" John both from the ATL shaaawty at the New Year's 2006 in Miami Beach - Lil Jon, "The King of Crunk" After Party ..And Fresh is right. Nik look like got her "puff puff give" on something fierce THAT AIN'T CUTE!

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