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20 January 2006

Oprah you need to get "Sophia" on em'

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I love Oprah..I really do. She is the epitome of what women(esp black women) should aspire to be. A rich beyaaaaatch. I love the fact that she can be on such a personal/emotional level with her guests; and yet still gloat about the fact that she is richer than you EVAR will be. Even in your wildest dreams BITCHES!!! You really have no choice but to love Ms. O. She's had Steadman on hold more than an EMS operator in the ghetto. I wonder what their bedtime conversations are like. : "Steadman, prop my book up with the tip of your index finger for me. And after you're done with that be sure that my kids (her dogs) receive their camomile and greentea bath. Now chop chop skiddadle nugga!!"

But today I just wasn't feelin' you O. I need that "You tol' Harpo ta' beat me?!" Oprah in my life. That Ms. Sophia that's quick to lay a saltine down in his tracks without even blinking..

In case you missed it she had Jaimee Foxworth aka "Crave" (Judy from Family Matters) on the show, explaining how she got into porn.; and some backwood's hick parents that hired a skripper for their son's 16th birthday party (and got into big trouble over it; rightfully so). I must say Oprah's kinda' late with the Crave thing...But nonetheless I set my comcast reminder. If lil innocent Judy can't escape the dangers of child stardom..What's next?! Little Ritchie doing foot fetish porn with some Michael Jackson glitter shoes. They call it Thrilleeeeer..Thrillllller night!

The show starts off dramatic: TODAY on Oprah: What's the BIGGEST Mistake you've ever made..*scary music*

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Jaimee: "I was naive, drunk and my broke ass
b/f wanted me to do it "

Oprah: "What about working at Mickey D's?"

J: "Bitch is you crazy!? My weave might catch fire
on the fry machine. Do you know how much Yaki perm
costs these days?!" (*tosses dry ass weave*)

O: "Oh my bad! Well damn, you ain't gotta be all snippy about it.
Carry on hoe bag..."

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"Well like I was sayin' befo' I was so rudely interrupted(*rollseyes*)..I couldn't walk
around with out holding my head high
or [...] without people saying "Eww"

O: "Umm..eww is right. And yes Family DOES Matter. Moving ooOooon.

Now next, we have the Lyin' ass parents, 16 year old boy(or girl) and the Skripper with NO Wardrobe..

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Skripper tranny hoe is on the left..

Ummm..The one on the right is the son. No comment.

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Mayella Ewell and daddy Bob look lye-fully clean
(To Kill a Mockingbird ref. for all you non-reading mofo's).
I bet they still use outhouses where they live..

O: What the hell was yall crackas thinkin! Do do you regret hiring a skripper?

Ignant mammy: No..I'm just mad we got caught..
Ignant pappy: Welp Oprah..some partsa me was fo' it and some parts was 'gainst it

*crowd chuckles*

O: Now you know you done fukked up right? You know that? You know you done fukked up?...The skripper got naked and rub her genitals *gasp* against the boys..
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O: I don't understand this shit. This is some
fucked up repugnant shit..Dr. Joyce..please help me to understand
before I smack this bitch. She keep starin' at me like she want WAR!
You better tell her..Ms. O don't play dat!..Uh unh(*sucks teeth and chicken necks*)

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Dr. J: You love your kids right? I can tell you do..

Ignant Mammy: Yes I do..I didn't watch the act...just the boys did..

Dr.J: Bit-c...Ahhh
(*restrains self*)...You tellin' me the skripper wasn't
good for adults to watch, but 16 year old gi--err boy's to watch?!. You smoking that
sticky icky aintya bitch?

Ignant Pappy: Well, she was depressed at the time..me too. I had to cook all the meals, and take
time off from work..You can't leave 16 year old's unsupervised for too long..

Oprah: *mumbles* Oh no he didn't just say...I give up

Dr. J: *gives up and blames incident on American culture*

O: *agrees with Dr.J*

Next Tuesday: This white man said we ALL bout to die yall! Missles, Bird Flu..all that good shit. Watch or DIE BITCHES!

Comments on "Oprah you need to get "Sophia" on em'"


Blogger Supa said ... (11:19 PM) : 

this was hee-larious!! Oprah aka Black Jesus Christ's show is on hit/miss status for me...

"you know you fucked up, don't you"

classic menace 2 society! You do so many good quotables, takeitoutside!!!!! lol

thanks for the shout out!


Blogger AlwaysSweet said ... (10:28 PM) : 

lmao. Girl you are so crazy. I'm mad at myself for missing this show. I had every intention of watching it too. That stripper's face...so wrong on so many levels. I would not have paid for my dog to see that tramp.


Blogger Shawn said ... (10:26 PM) : 

Girl you off the chain! Funny as hell!


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