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28 February 2006

I've been on my grind..

Mid-terms are coming up and quite frankly my dears, i've run out of creative ideas to post about. Celebrities bore me sometimes, and you tend to see the same thing/same pictures site to site. So it doesn't make sense for me to follow suit since it's already been done. I like to set myself somewhat apart from the crowd.. So, what i'm gonna do is let you all come up with some post topics about anything you'd like..It can be a celebrity that you want me to roast, television show, or just some observations about fucked up things/people that we see everyday. If you admire my silly ass or just don't know how to express your disdain about something, this is a chance for you to quench your hateristic thirst..

Submit you ideas in comments OR email me your idea via the link under "After Hours Spots" I look forward to the ensuing fukkery..

Ready, Set, GO!

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22 February 2006



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If you already don't know..Lawd know's I luuuuvs me some Tyra. I usually don't like animal print, but Tyra rocked it right. See the rest of the pics over at Cake

But i'ma tell Harpo' ta beat her if she keeps doing shit like THIS:

I found this over at Perez who is just about twice as fabulous as Ms. Banks. Apparently, she's going undercover for her talk show as a skripper(yes, skripper) to see how ignant and foul men can get up in the strip club. I must say, I didn't recognize her at first glance. She does kinda look like her name is Quasanera Jenkins from the C-building next to the Crown Fried Chicken..Let's hope she don't run into T-Pain.

Speaking of...

I'm N Luv(Wit A Stripper) must be the most ignant, most triflin', most "negro please" worthy song of the year. (BTW Who decided to give this T-Pain a fuckin' record deal? They must be smokin the stickiest of the icky) But guess what?? I LOVE IT!!!..I mean seriously, how could you not love a ghetto love ballad with lyrics like these:

"She poppin she poppin she rollin she rollin...and she climbin that pole"

She turnin tricks on me (yea yea yea)
She don't even know me(yea yea yea)
I need to get her over to my crib to do tha night thaaaaang(night thang)...

Hilariousness!! And to make matters even better (or worse) the video adds more fuel to the fire.

Do you see the predato--err T-Pain pop locking and dancing with his crew like he's in an Ursher video?! I don't think Chris Brown needs to worry about krumping his 16 year old pelvis any harder. I love the faces that white folks make when I blast this on my daily commute to class. That's right Peter and Susan, I'm poppin and rollin all the way to class..But then again White folks are in luv with this song too..Yea Yea YEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

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17 February 2006

Nas and Jay: A Beautiful Thing

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So last night, while trying not to fall asleep (cause sleep is the cousin of death *clever*) sitting up doing late homework I caught the All Eyes On:Nas and Jay interview. It was fairly interesting to say the least, to see two quintessential MC's come together after such overcooked beef...shit damn near charbroiled. Scratch that--twas ETHERED. The interview was full of cute little sandbox moments and quotes. Jay was his usual charismatic self and Sway didn't shy away from asking some good questions. But they looked a tad uncomfortable a few times and I was kind of disappointed they didn't air the comment Nas made about gettin' at Camomile Giles. But I was satisfied. I was feeling that throwback crosscolor-esque Nike jacket and the part was precision perfect. I'll be waiting on that collabo album like the rest of yall..YUP!

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P.S Jay Lost

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Something Mos Def Made..

And it sure is hell ain't $$money$$...

Mos Def in court for Child Support

Mos Def spent Valentine’s Day in court arguing over the amount of child support payments that should be given to his ex-wife, Maria Yepes-Smith.

The rapper, whose real name is Dante Smith, was originally ordered to pay $10,000 a month to support his 7- and 8-year-old daughters. But since the order was issued, Mos has paid roughly $8,000 a month, explaining that obligations to his three other children and other business issues prevented him from making the court ordered amount. read the rest

--All jokes and hate aside, I think $8,000 a mth is more than enough to raise a child..$96,000 a year?!!. Bitch puh-lease. If Ms.Phatbooty needs more money she betta pull the clear shoes out of retirement and holla at a pole.


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--I told yall Kanye West was the new Micheal Jackson. All it's missing some shoulder pads and gold tassels..Go head boy, G'head get down..

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--Kelis.. I know you didn't cut off all that pretty hurr! I hope that's a wig because short hair makes her face look fat...

And speaking of FAT...

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If you haven't figured out who it is..I'll give you a minute to get over the horror (I needed quite a few afer I saw it on CL)..It's Moonique yall! Check out her new website.

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14 February 2006

Ashanti. Ashitty. Amazing

Whatever you wanna call her. She's sure been out and about lately. Recap shall we?

Uh oh..
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Uh oh..Uh oh
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Ashanti. You AIN'T NOT Beyonce.
I can't believe she was once a dance student. And would someone like to explain to the class why Ashanti always manages to make herself look tacky onstage with this "The Look For Less" outfit she's rocking? OOOOooo OOOOOOoo I know!!!: She scurried on down to the local Rainbow and bought the outfit, 29.99 + Tax with enough time to spare to skiddaddle on down to the "Hurry Up And Buy" for some 1.99 trinkets. $Cha-ching$

But Wha-wa-WAIT it get's worse!!!

Ashanti is back to hauking her cheesy wears..First it was her perfume "Precious Jewel". Now it's her new Vitamin (yes vitamins yall!!) Beauty Product OPC-3. Or what I like to call: "OH PLEASE CHILE!"
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How can they stand behind this crap and think people are dumb enough to buy it. Shit I could see if it was a Proactive commerical. But OPC-3? That sounds like some shit that ends up in the middle of a class action lawsuit against the FDA. Mediocrity pays off kids.

Everytime I see this poster I think of...(click the picture to find out)
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Again-- HAPPY (or BAD) VALENTINE'S DAY HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!

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Happy Valentines Day

Yea, I said it..And isn't this nauseatingly appropriate?--All my posts are in red.

Lets move on..I know you're all doing kegels and crossing your fingers in anticipation of an update..

Welp, today wasn't all that different except I got a call from Mr. Gooddick (my ex, for the remedial) early this morning while on my way to class. He wanted me to come visit him, but I had to get to class. *sigh* And while I would've loved getting my box pummeled instead of learning about fucking panic attacks in Abnormal Psych, I couldn't miss class. Well, I could've but I really don't like to miss class. I feel like such a fuckin nerd sometimes, but I gotta stay focused this semester. That breakup two weeks ago didn't exactly put me on the track to success. Hence, the "D" I received today for my test in that class last week. Well, at least i'm in his thoughts. And i'm quite sure which part of the body was doing thinking for him this morning. Must have been thinking reeeallly HARD. Perhaps we can have some of that coveted post-breakup/quasi-makeup sex later on cause Meesohoooryyyyy

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13 February 2006

I hate Valentines Day

I really mean it...

All my Valentines Day's have sucked harder than a newborn. I mean I never gushed and giggled over the thought of roses and candy because I never expect my boyfriend to buy me anything. Either I was broken up with him or neither of us really cared. Theres 364 other days to express your love and have hot sweaty sex minus all the telegrams and shit. So this year shouldn't be any different, especially since we're not even speaking right?. WRONG! It's the day before "I-wanna-go-to-Red-Lobster-and-get-fucked-at-the-snooty-fox" Day and I feel rather shitty. I keep having these delusions of grandeur that my ex will pop up at my house with a dozen roses and candy and bears and shit and we'll make sweet neverending coitus until my hips pop out the socket. Finally I snap back to the cold ass reality and think "What the fuck is wrong with you Keshia?!!" This is usually followed by crying and compulsive cleaning..

I swore I had my feelings in check...Hadn't called him for awhile and I was feeling quite confident that we'd be back together one day. Now, i'm not so confident. We haven't spoken for a minute and when I call he never picks up. I can't accept this shit. I won't. It is truly unacceptable. I gotta get my man back yall. I thought about gettting him something for tomorrow and popping up at his house. But I don't wanna get played on some ole' Jody in Baby Boy "Get off my step Evette" type shit. I really don't care for Valentines Day and I'm tired of thinking it over. So I'll leave it up to yall.

What should I do?...

Vote in my mini poll under "Leftovers"

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09 February 2006

Kanye West is the new Michael Jackson

I'd like to thank the academy....

For indulding in all my sick twisted celeb fantasies last night. Kanye West was a sight to behold-- from the Scarface meets Rico Suave suit that showed all the taco meat on his chest, the gloves minus rhinestones, to the blatant "thank you note" he whipped out on stage. I loved it. The performance w/ Jamie Foxx was a little "whatthefuck-ish?"..well moreso the outfits, but it was cute. I liked the little "Broke Phi Broke" skit..Typical Kanyeester...

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Chappelle- I'm happy to see him back in the spotlight..He looked alright..Suit was kinda funny looking on him though. All he has to do is blink and I'm laughing..

Fantasia- No fucking comment *stern face*
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Kelly Clarkson- Fugly. Humble? She should be.

Destiny's Chirrins- Who the fuck did that to Michelle's hair? Channeling 80's sober Whitney Houston are we Michelle?--lets not.

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Mariah Carey- Performance started off pretty fucked up, but ended with a soul stirring gospel "Hey i'm black just like you" finish...

Paul McCartney- Uhhh...

Sly and the Family Stone- Uhh...

Mary & Bono- Mary killed it though I didn't care too much for the song..

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Impromptu Stevie & Alicia duet- Meh....Alicia looked nice though. Dropped some weight. Gal' looks good...Now if she could only stop acting "mannish"

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Ciara- She looked cute in the dress, but quite uncomfortable. Penile slippage?--we'll never know..

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Gwen Stefani- aww...Preggers and all. But between me and you Gwen, leave the sheet on the mattress when you get out of bed..

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Jay-Z- Why didn't you say anything? You just let Linkin Park kiss your whole asshole while you stood there..Not cool!

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06 February 2006

It's been a long time....

It's been a long time..I shouldn'ta left you without a dope post to laugh to

Wsup ppl..I know I know..I haven't been posting a lot. And the reason for that is that i'm going through a few personal things right now *serious face*

Nah, fuck all the ring around the rosey crap. Let me keep it real. [ Chappelle ] Cause I keeps it REAAL!! [ /Dave ].

*dramatic pause*

Me and my boyfriend of 7 years just recently broke up and I haven't had the desire or time to post. You wanna hear my daily routine. Sure you don't. But here goes anyway:

Wake up--cry
Get dressed--cry
Drive to school--crying
Go to class--try NOT to cry
Drive home--cry
Watch television--cry
Cry self to sleep.
Wash rinse repeat.

Fucking pathetic right?--I wholeheartedly agree.

But 7 years??!! You gotta give me some empathy motherfuckers. I'm trying to get over it, but this shit is hard. My long term good (really good) dick--gone. Just like that. Over something silly. I would tell yall what, but I don't keep it that real. Then the radio is overkilling Neyo's- So Sick. UGH. I'm gonna put in a request for Kelis'- Caught Out There so I can look like a complete idiot screaming all the way to class.

But ahhh, no need to fret my 2 loyal fans. I'll try to post whenever I can, but school is kicking my ass too. So, cross your fingers and clench your buttcheeks..Posts will come soon.

P.S--and post comments goddamnit! What yall don't luh me no mo'?? I get it--That seems to be the norm now anyway:(


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