Takeitoutside.BITCH!

I miss this layout!

2006-12-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

I really do..maybe I should have kept it...

We've moved!!!

2006-11-06T13:02:00.000-05:00

CHECK US OUT HERE!!

New York and Pumkin kiss and makeup(literally)

2006-11-02T10:48:00.000-05:00

Love is in the air--Tranny love

This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my LIFE!! My breakfast is so disgusted right now, it doesn't wanna even come back up through the mouth..it just to go straight down a filthy drain and straight to hell..which is exactly where this picture should end up if we're lucky...Bitches are TERRIBLE.[source]

Lets recap the spit heard round the world shall we:

In random news: Lindsay LoHOE and Evan Ross (Diana Ross' son/T.I's lil brother in ATL) a couple?? YIKES!

P.S. I'm moving this blog over to worpress so give me a few days to continue with regular posting. Thanks bitches.

It's about time--To WHOOP THAT TRICK!!!: Flavor of Love Reunion Special

2006-10-25T18:33:00.000-04:00

Thank goodness for skeezers and tricks. Santa Clause done came early yall and dropped us off a little treat. Here's a teaser clip for the Flavor of Love Reunion Special that airs this Sunday

LOL! These bitches got hot crisco grease, tracks, bobby pins flyin every-whicha-way..I LOVE it!!!!!

In other news: Naomi needs her ass beat by one of these FOL hoes

Fantasia's new album cover Fug or Fab?

Vol 1.3: More mis-adventures with Hovi and Sasha

In 'Blah' news: Monique(fat chick/nice voice) of Making the Band interview

Jim Jones is BAAAAAAALLLLIN!!!

2006-10-19T10:34:00.000-04:00

Jim Jones puts a diamond grill on his Maserati

I nominate him for Dumb Bitch Of The Day. Seriously who spends money on dumb shit like this?! Niccas don't know how to act with a lil bit of chang-ay. How bout doing something positive in the hood you stupid fool! I hope somebody snatches that shit quicker than Wesley Snipes can hop a plane out the U.S..Nevertheless, I still find him hilarious for his mindless antics and buffoonery. With that said let the class say: BAALLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!

You are dismissed.

Mike Tyson's style is IMPREGNABLE!!!

2006-10-17T14:36:00.000-04:00

STRONGSVILLE, Ohio - Mike Tyson says he may include bouts with women on his next tour, and mentioned professional boxer Ann Wolfe, who is 21-1 with 15 knockouts.
"She's such a prominent, dominant woman in the boxing field," Tyson said. When asked if he was joking about fighting women, Tyson said, "I'm very serious."

Russ Young, a promoter for Wolfe, said such a bout will never happen.

"That's the first we've heard of it," Young said. "No state would sanction that. She would be outweighed by 60 to 70 pounds. Ann would never entertain the idea."

The 40-year-old former heavyweight champ launches "Mike Tyson's World Tour" on Friday in Youngstown, Ohio.

Tyson said the tour was meant to be fun and raise money for charity.

"It's all fun. I'm not Mike Tyson," he said, referring to the fierce boxer whose career was upended by a prison term. "I'm not 20 years old. I'm not going to smash anybody. I'm not going to talk about smashing anybody's brains. You're not going to see that guy no more."[source]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaa..is all I really have to say about that. Really, i'm speechless..Mike Tyson just made my week. His impregnable style will impregnate these woman. Genius! Robin Givens is somewhere having a fuggin nervous breakdown or something. Welp..If that didn't make you piss your pants with glee here's something that will.

Mike Tyson Inteviews

I'll eat you celebrities!

Beyonce & Jay-Z= The Black Barbie and Ken?

2006-10-13T20:35:00.000-04:00

I'm just sayin.....

These two have been camera whoring it up everywhere. And I do mean EVERYWHERE!!!! There's simply not enough hours in the day to keep up with them. We should add a 25th hour just for them. But since we can't and simply won't, i'll be your 25th hour..That's why we're gonna start a little segment just for the dynamic duo called:

The Mis-adventures of Hovi and Sasha

First stop: New York

Beyonce riding the "B" train last month to promote her cd *gasp* "B-day"!!! How fantastically ridiculous and fabulous of her. The passengers could really give a warm crap. Dontcha just wish some bum would randomly whip his penis out and start masturbating while humming Deja Vu.. Talk about CULTURE SHOCK!!!

Next Stop: LONDON!!

I guess all that culture shock took a serious toll Bey. She had to relax and unwind after that wreck of a train ride. And nothing says "unwind" better than emerald green sequin mini dresses--(and lets not forget the alcohol). Bitch was drunk off her ass, but nonetheless she was still fabulous as ever. GET ME BODIED!!!

Last stop: AFRICA!!!

Lets not leave out the incomparable Jay-Z aka Jiggaman aka Shawn Carter aka Joe Camel. HOVI BABY!!! He stopped in Nigeria to promote awareness of his "Water for Life" campaign. Along the way he managed to get a street named after him and be turbaned by Governor Abubakar Bukola Saraki, the Executive Governor of Kwara State. I don't even know how to pronounce that shit but it sure does sound important, no? Sure does..that's why we're gonna name Jay-Z our:

FABULOUS BITCH OF THE WEEK!!

[source]

Robin Givens isn't a golddiger and Oprah as Jesus

2006-10-10T10:21:00.000-04:00

Lets cut the crap...Robin Givens would finger claw her way to silver:

When Oprah Said Jump, Givens Jumped – To Pen Memoir

Actress Robin Givens hadn't really thought about writing her life story – until Oprah Winfrey decided she should do it. "I was in Florida and I got a call from her," Givens tells Jawn Murray of AOL Black Voices' BV Buzz. And what did O have to say? "People need to know your story and you're coming on the show." And just like that, there was a crew from the show at Givens' house, Givens did Oprah's show, and then Oprah suggested she write her story down for posterity – which Givens says she's doing sans ghostwriters. The book will be out early next year; currently, the 42-year-old former "Head of the Class" star (and ex-bride of Mike Tyson) is touring in the play "Men, Money and Gold Diggers."(lol..hee-larry-us)[source]

As for Oprah, She's powerful, yes- this I know. I mean who else can tell a bitch to write her lousy memoirs for the benefit of my boredom and have it sell like stank ass on a street corner. Seriously, I sorta have a like/dislike relationship with Opree. But I seriously wouldn't wanna get on her bad side. She'd probably send a plague of Star Jones' to my doorstep *shudders*

With that...let us bow our heads in prayer:

We come to you O-mighty one to ask for a good blogging day. Let the page traffic be plentiful and the comments be funny-ful. Let the celebrites be dumber O-Wah. We ask you mighty O that our vistiors be entertained Opree. Let the bloggers say

"O-men!!!"

Get YO' Shit............Get yo shiiiiiit!

2006-10-07T20:54:00.000-04:00

AND GET OUT!!....Kickin niccas out a la Angela Bassett is my favorite thing to do..lol. Here's Beyonce's video for Irreplaceble if you haven't already seen it yet. This is one of my favorites from B-day. I hope she releases Suga Mama or Get Me Bodied as the next single..But then again, most of cd is hot with the exception of Freakum Dress & Green Light.

On the contrary...

Brotha might've had some good dillznick. In that case we might wanna switch up our tune.

Weekend Throwback: 702- Get It Together

Peace chittlins...Until Monday, you can find me at the greenlight with my freakum dress on (whatever tha hell a "freakum" dress is)

UPGRADE!

2006-10-04T20:29:00.000-04:00

I'm not handing out Audemars Piguet watches or administering diamond cream faciiiials. But as you can see, I finally got off (or..on rather) my lazy ass and fixed up this old dump. How ya like it? I guess it's gonna take some time getting used to and tweaking here and there. I'm no CSS nerd, so who cares right? Just as long as I get my point across to *points* YOU-the reader. Now, where were we?..

In Fug news..

Queen Bitch & John Kerry at Children Uniting Nations Second Annual National Conference. You know what i'm about to say right? From now on i'm just gonna use B.I.T (Bitch is Terrible). The less time I spend looking at these celebriwhores-the better *shudders*

I'm sayin though..I miss the old Kim..The clean bitch, disease freeee bitch:

*sigh* See you tomorrow.. In the meantime, wash ya goodies like Ms. Peachez say chile...

Bitch is TERRIBLE

2006-09-24T21:56:00.000-04:00

Golden Brooks looks a terrible ass mess. Posing in this vintage 80's prom dress, her grandma Bestsy's opague stockings, and "kill that roach!!!" suede, shoes she just knows she's the shit yall... Yea, really shitty alright..I can't even feel sorry for GB. Bitch is TERRIBLE!

Who WORE it better???

I'm going with skeletor on this one yall..

The Chronicles of Whornia

2006-09-19T15:46:00.000-04:00

I'm a day late and YOUTUBE took down the video, buuut so what...Let the fukkery ensue. Let's get it poppin!!

Looks like Carmen Bryan (Nas' baby momma) is following in the hoofprints of Karrine "Superhoe" Stephans with a tell all book and interview with XXL Magazine about her 10 year relationship with Nas and subsequent affair(s) with Jay-Z & Allen Iverson. Honestly, (all NaS stanism aside) I think bitch is a retard. Seriously, what self respecting harlot would wear a hat that large. Memphis Bleek donating to the needy now? Or maybe she just thought it would make her head look larger, thus fooling the public into thinking that under that enormous cap lies the crome dome of a genius. Ah, such a clever twatch..Bitch please, i'm not fooled. If you (yes you-the reader) are fooled that means your as stoopid as our new favorite celebriwhore and means you most likely didn't understand anything i've typed thus far. Therfore, I'll sum up the interview/situation with a few word fragments for ya dumb ass:

Nas ZzzzzZZZ boooooOOring
Carmen whore
Jay-Z whore
Camels large penis'
Allen Iverson whore
Breakfis in bed
Carmen still whore. Poor Destiny
Jay-Z, Nas maaaaaaad :<
Ether :)
Jay-Z retire :(
Chanclatas
Fin.

And there you have it folks. Feels good to be back in the blogosphere. I dumb down my post and double my traffic! Ya hear that chirrens?, anyone can be as clever as celebriwhores. Bert and Ernie ain't got shit on them!!!

I'm back like cooked CRACK!

2006-09-14T13:53:00.000-04:00

Yessirrrrr!!!

So you know what that means right??? NEW CARS FOR EVERYONE!! (Not really), but I am gonna be posting regulary between school and work. But for now I gotta say au revoir my dahlings, I gotta get to work..See ya tomorrow

Did ya miss me?

2006-08-09T17:57:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna keep it short and simple because I know you're tired of the lies and empty promises. Reminds you of your raggedy ass boyfriend right? Yeah mine too. I was really getting the hang of this blogging stuff but I had to live my life for the summer. Working and having fun when I can has been the stat quo for me..BUT I will be back to regular posting once the semester starts in early September. I have a loooooot of stuff I have to get off my chest. I didn't forget about this blog and how much inner joy it brings me *sniffle* I've put too much work(though few and far between) into it to completely forget bout it. I'm gonna put up a new layout up soon and fix this old dump up..

Until then visit...the *womp womp womp*..You know the routine...

'Member this?..

I'll throw a cell phone at you crazy!

2006-06-13T19:27:00.000-04:00

Move over Naomi! Put the hot dog down Tyra!..It's about to be a whaaaat??! Walk off!

LOL..But really folks. I'm so exicted, I just did my very first photo shoot for a Bella Beauty Models. Calendar Coming This Fall!! Check out me and the rest of the Bella Beauties over at myspace. Promise you won't be disappointed.

This has really turned into a personal blog as of lately, but I haven't had time to keep up with myself let alone celeb fukkery..I've been a busy body. Your #2 hater girl is about to working not one but get this-- TWO jobs! Gotta get that paper fo' they catch me ridin durtaaay..

All is well in the love department chirrens..I had quite an adventure down in A.C last weekend during the Taver/Hopkins fight. Met up with one of my new boos and got the kiss of life..lol. Nothing serious, but i'm definitely having my fun..

Movin On Up!!!

2006-06-06T12:28:00.001-04:00

I more ways than one...

Reason #1: I found a job! (at a bank which shall remain nameless) but it's a great gig and I can work it year round when I go back to class. A bitch is feeling mighty good today coming from that second interview. I knocked it out and I looked [Tyra] FIERYARCE! [/Banks]. Not to mention I've pretty much gotten over teh ex and am happily single. You ever wake up one day and think to yourself:

"What the fuck is wrong with you?..You're pretty, intelligent, got that goodness..Shut that shit up and wipe those tears away"

That's how it went chile *waves hand like old woman* Put on My Life and me and Mrs. Blige had a nice long chat..lol.

Reason #2: I've had my eye on this one guy from school since last semester. We've talked since classes ended and he finally asked ya girl to go out Friday night. *Jay-Z voice* YES, yes yes!! *Hov!* ..looks like the drought might be officially ovaaaaaaaa! Hmph, well maybe not so soon cause i'm a [She] ladeeeeee[/NeyNey] and I don't give up the goods that easily. But lawd gimme the strenfffff not to hop on this man like Fansworth Bentley backstage at a Chip N' Dales opening in San Francisco. He fine yall

Reason #3: I'm gonna start modeling real soon..I ain't skinny for nothing chile. That would be a waste of talent..Sorta like Shaq working at Best Buy for a living. Could you imagine that shit?.."Look nigga I said we ain't got no more Sony's!" But back to the subject at hand..my friend wants me to do an upcoming calendar for her company Bella Beauties and a bitch is gonna try my best to look...say it with me class: FIERYARCE!!! Trust me i'll show you the finished product when it's done.

In case you haven't noticed..I'm baaaack. And i'll try to do as many post as possible before I start work and in between..

Love peace and hair grease. No perms wit' a comb in my head smokin sherm..

Looks like..

2006-05-18T15:14:00.000-04:00

It's gonna be another week of no posts kids..I'm looking for a job now and this shit is harder than I thought..*sigh* A lot is going on right now and my net is down so i'm struggling. Bear with me, my blog is sucking like Karrine Stephans at a Grammy afterparty(recycled jokes..I know lol). I have a lot of shit I need to get off my chest when I get ta' postin' again so you won't be disappointed. Disgruntled ex boyfriends(ugh), hot guys tryna holla everytime I turn around, lesbians trying to look up my skirt..Shits crazy yall. I still check out my other bloggers in crime and so should you. But that doesn't mean I don't miss posting..I'm feeling like Mimi over here:

*drops needle on "Don't Forget About Us"*

*Twirls hair and has sex with Pharrell*

Toodles for now bitches....

2006-05-05T15:06:00.000-04:00

Due to my finals there won't be any new posts for a good week and a 1/2..Don't cry..dry ya eyes..and check out the fine blogs to the left . Wish me luck..I love you all bitches!!

*blows kisses*

You Better WORK!!

2006-05-01T17:55:00.000-04:00

Bitch looks absolutely fabulous..I don't know if I quite like the dress, but TyTy baby is workin it out somethin' FIERYARCE. Check out the best ANTM recaps ever!..over at FourFour

Just an observation: Celebrity Look-a-likes

These two look like they could be sisters to me. Am I reachin'?? Cause if I am so effin what! I make my case:

1) They're both Bee-ah-bee-why!! M-a-m-ahs!! I just hope Fantasia didn't name her kid some crazy shit like Lil Mo did: God'iss Love Stone (WTF???) Ghetto ass name for ghetto ass people..smh. Name is so outlandish it makes "Keshia" seem like the hood "Katie." I hope that kid grows up to practice Buddhism.
2) They both can sang with them big ole soup coolers..lol
3) I could picture them roaming the hood, face slicked up with petroleum jelly, earrings off, lookin' for "Tookie'nem"
4) Because I said so.

Case closed.

Dontcha' know know GOooOOoOOOD!!!!!

2006-04-26T20:15:00.000-04:00

*shakes head* I don't think she do yall. Didn't I already say "Black Women, We GOT to do better"??? I see i'm gonna have to resort to idle threats and intimidation to make my motherfuckin' point...

Scoot over Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, talk about The Odd Couple!

Goodnight Present: Musiq Soulchild forgets the words to the National Anthem

Click the pic to see video

The Good, Bad, and Really Funny

2006-04-25T19:31:00.000-04:00

I'm in a good mood today eve after all the fukkery I had to endure earlier so lets start with The Good. Shall We??:

The GOOD

1) Amel Larrieux

I've loved her music since Groove Theory. She's a stunningly beautiful woman with the voice of an angel. Her mammary glands and buttcheeks aren't swinging every whichaway to sell records, and most importantly her music has meaning, something that's almost rare in the lollipop gum drop shit we have shoved down our throats on the regular. I sat in on her listening party on VH1 Soul this weekend, for her new album "Morning"(dropped today) and it is definitley hot. Unless you're a purveyor or real music you probably wouldn't understand, so go on and continue to bump that Ugly Ricky youngin'... Everybody else you know what it is, be sure to support homegirl..She deserves it!!!

2) Nas

Need I say more??? Besides the obvious fact that i'm probably one of his biggest stan--err fans and I own damn near his entire discography, I'm still a female--which puts me at an advantage you see: I can be in love with him all I want! without worrying whether I appear "homo" to my "boyz". But other than that he's Top 5 on my G.O.A.T list..As he should be at least in the Top 10 on everyone elses.

The BAD

3) Bobby Christina
Looks like the Golden Baby just can't get enough of the limelight since the show. Now, I don't like to pick on chirrens but it's gotta be said..Where the hell did Whitney contribute to any of this crumbsnatchers phenotype????--Where? I see nothing Whitney about her. Bobby's sperm musta been high off something that night, cause they damn sure backslapped the hell outta Whit's oophytes..This is one time I can say truley say "I feel sowwy for chu mudda" and mean it. Let's pray for her momma yall. It's gone be alright chile...

4) Hoopz has lesbian threesome with T.I.???

Don't know if this is true or not, but i've seen it on a few blogs so what the hell..

The woman, who has asked to remain anonymous, is a dancer in a number of popular hip-hop music videos. She claims to have met up with the rapper and Hoopz last week at an Atlanta nightclub. According to the woman, Hoopz, who has been reportedly dating T.I., immediately struck up a conversation with her. She explained, "I felt like Hoopz was trying to pick me up, but I wanted T.I. - so I was cool with it." When it was time to leave the club, T.I. suggested that the two women join him at his suburban mansion for an "after party." On the way there, things began to heat up when all three began kissing and groping each other. And according to the woman, "as soon as we walked in the door, I took off T.I.'s clothes and [performed oral sex on him]." "Hoopz wasn't expecting all of that & she was shy at first" explained the woman, "but after a few minutes she got into it too." The three went on to have a marathon sex session which lasted for more than two hours. Describing the encounter the woman recalled, "T.I. was great, I really enjoyed being with him ... but it seemed like Hoopz was more into me than him." [Read the rest]

Hmmm..Don't know if I believe it, but then again Hoopz does seem to be carpet muncher status. And they've been getting cozy for the last few weeks. I feel sorry for Tiny though (don't laugh..I really do)..He's straight playin' her with 15 minute chicks all out in the open. *ahem* With that said: T.I's little anorexic ass could get handled once, twice, thrice! I got all the time in the world babay!! For some odd reason I like short skinny dudes (trust me, BIG things come in small packages) But moving away from my twisted hopes and fukkery, this whole situation just leaves one question: WWF(Foofy)S???

The Really Funny

5) You ARE an ASShole!

Besides being annoying and leatherfaced. Maury Povich aka Capt'n Save-a-hoe extraordinaire is being sued for [corny ass anchor] get this [/voice]: SEXUAL HARRASSMENT! [source] hahahahaha. I'm lovin' it! Even if it's not true, it's still hilariously ironic. I just knew there was a sexual deviant behind all that false sincerity and empathy for smuts with 10 different baby faddas.

Next episode: Who is Marisol's 11th baby daddy? Maury OR Connie?!

Followed by last weeks episode: Is Connie Chung Man or Woman?!!

*Maury cabbage patches with black audience member*
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOOOOOW!!! YOU CAN'T TELL!"

*commercial breaks to Valtrex commercial starring Micheal Vick*

6) Lil Romeo ethers Lil Bow Wow:

[Pam] Now that's funny! [/Martin] What's next? Lil Romeo get's capped up on the set of Sesame Street? This can't be life!

Shakes fist

2006-04-25T10:57:00.000-04:00

I'm having such a shitty day today. And it all started with socks..(imagine that..) socks..I had a whole post ready for yall yesterday, hit "Publish Post" and Blogger outright said 'fuck it' and died on me. Good thing I saved. When I get home i'll post it bitches :) Until then, click the fine blogs over to left of you..

P.S- See any off the wall celebrity shit that you'd like me to speak on- email me!...Link to me and don't see a back link??? Email me! I'll be more than happy to add you to the blogroll.

I come in the name of Jesus...Repeat after me BEE-YOTCH!!

2006-04-21T22:58:00.000-04:00

ROFLMBAO!!! One of thee funniest internet clips EVAR!!!I just ran across this shit tonight and had to post it. This made my boring ass Friday evening....Sheiiit maybe even my whole week! Don't watch this at work or you might get fired for laughing so hard..

Gangsta Ass Preacher

2006-04-21T19:22:00.000-04:00

Who smoked it better????

Oh yes! Enta-ma-tainment served just how I like it. RAW! Looks like K-Ci done finally had enough of Mary's shit talking about him and how bad he used to treat her all trife and shit. Had her all strung out on him and with him. And yall already know what it is when it comes to my Mary. "Bet not nobody say nothing baby about Mrs. Blige!.. Uhn uhnnnnn!!"....He sat down and did an interview with Vibe to discuss him and Mary's past relationship and the trufs and untrufs of all this ongoing shit. Mary already done told him she's not looking for no playa shit so I think he's pretty much clowning himself on this one:

Vibe: The fans are waiting for another Jodeci album. Is that going to happen soon?

K-Ci: We have been in the studio recording. We are not rushing, although our fans are waiting to hear from us. I want them to be patient. Jodeci is not over. It's not a wrap just yet.(good..I miss Jodeci. Just tell Devonte' not to rock spice girl shoes and a jheri curl perm on stage ever again. I saw them damn Source Awards a few years back!!!..smh)

Vibe: What is your response to the new video that Mary is doing with 50 cent?

K-Ci: That's crazy. After all this time she's making a video about me
and her? I haven't seen the video. But I've heard about it. It's supposed to be about a time in our life when we were supposed to get married. I never said I was going to marry her. (what??!?)

Vibe: So you two were never engaged to jump the broom? Did you ever give her a ring?

K-Ci: Yes I gave her a ring, not because I wanted to marry her. I gave her a ring after she came off tour and she kept hinting around that she wanted a ring. (face saveage!!) I never agreed to marry Mary J. We never talked about starting a family or anything like that. We were not as serious as people thought.

Vibe: So, she thought that the two of you were getting married?

K-Ci: Right. That was all in her head. I was young and living my life. I didn't want to be anybody's husband. I was young and living wild. I was celebrating everyday and partying and hooking up with different women. I wasn't ready to settle down with anybody. Mary knew that. She knew I cared about her but she also knew that I wasn't going to be tied down to her. She accepted that and continued to call me and come around me even at times I didn't want her around me. I would tell Mary over and over to go and find a man that is ready to settle down and play hubby.

Vibe: You had to have loved her at one point or another. You guys sang together, did shows together. There had to be something.

K-Ci: There was something. It wasn't what Mary wanted everybody to think. She wanted the world to think that we were living a fairytale and all of a sudden I ended it. We cared about each other, but I wasn't in love with here. The feelings were never mutual. We would do shows together and afterwards I wanted to hang out with the guys and party and talk to fans. Mary would go crazy. She would come up to my hotel and bang on the door, screaming and hollering at the top of her lungs until I came out. She would come up to me at parties and disrespect my company. I had to be careful because if she saw me with a woman she would try to start fights and put on a big show. It was crazy.

Vibe: Why do you think she was acting like this? There had to be reason. Do you think she was mislead to believe that you wanted to be with her?

K-Ci: I don't understand how, because I told her all the time that I didn't want to be in a relationship with her. That still didn't stop her from calling and paging me and showing up at the studio drunk. There were so many episodes. She was constantly embarrassing herself.

Vibe: Do you think the sex made her fall in love?

K-Ci: *laughs* I thinks so, but no woman should let sex control them and make them feel things for someone (i know that's right..). If the feelings are not there, you have to let go and move on and work on building yourself. You can't let good sex control your mind and control your emotions. A lot of men would have loved to be with her, but she was into me instead of being into Mary J. Blige. She turned down a lot of guys because she thought they only wanted her for her money and fame. She would cry about this all the time.

Vibe: Were you ever attracted to her. She is a beautiful women. Very stunning.

K-Ci: I was attracted to her because she had so much ambition. She would be in the studio for 12 hours a day. She was determined to live her dream. That's what I was attracted to. Her determination and her drive is what motivated me.

Vibe: What about the physical? When you first saw Mary, what was your first thought?

K-Ci: She seemed very nice. Very down to earth. I wasn't attracted to her the first time we met.(Musta been the crack rocks cause Mary is beautiful!)

Vibe: How did the two of you start dating? There had to be some kind of attraction between you and Mary. What was It? How did the two of you make a match?

K-Ci: We saw each other at Uptown records several times before we exchanged numbers. I wasn't trying to get involved at the time. When we recorded a song for her debut album What's the 411, we had a lot of chemistry. We slept together. She enjoyed it. We began hanging out at the studio. We became friends. We would talk a lot. She was very opened about everything. I respected her for that. She was honest. She would tell me the truth about myself. That's what made me want to embrace her as a friend.

Vibe: She was a good friend, so how did everything fall downhill?

K-Ci: Mary had a lot of problems. She came from Yonkers New York. She was from a broken family and she still had to carry those issues on her back. She had low self-esteem. She was very insecure. That's the part of Mary I didn't like. She was a determined woman and she was serious about her career, but she had no self love. She would always say how much she hated her big feet. She would complain about the scares on her face she got from fighting girls around her neighborhood in Yonkers. She wanted me to make her feel pretty. I couldn't. She was just a woman to me. I didn't see her the way people look at Halle Berry, Robin Givens or Vanessa Williams. She was just a regular woman. That was fine with me, but it wasn't fine with Mary. She didn't feel good about herself. Even with the clothes, the hairstyles and the jewelry, she didn't feel worthy.

Vibe: If you could go back and change things, do you think you would have married Mary J. Blige. Now that you are older, do you have a change of heart? What are your feeling towards Mary. Do you have any love for her as a friend.

K-Ci: I don't have any bitter feelings for her. I just hope she can somehow get over our affair and move on with her life. I have not made any songs about her. She has made albums about me. She has made people think I'm the bad guy when it was her that didn't know how to let go and move on. Her peeps would call me and tell me to stop abusing Mary, stop playing with her head, but she didn't tell them what she was doing. She didn't want anybody to know that she was getting high and drunk and calling me and showing up at the studio ready to fight me. Everybody thought I was controlling her and giving her false promises. I kept telling her to go on with her life and her career. She would tell me NO! I love you K-Ci. I can't live without you, I wanna be happy with you. I just wanna be your wife and make you happy. All that stuff she was singing about. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work. I would shut down because she had the whole world singing along to her sad lullaby (hence the classic "My Life"). And I was considered the abusive bad guy. That made me upset back then, but know I'm happy for her and I'm glad she is married. I wish she would gave married someone back then. She was driving me up the wall.

Vibe: The two of you recorded together after the affair was over. You did some vocals on the My Life album and also on the Mary album. What was it like working with her after all of those episodes?

K-Ci: It was an experience. I did some vocals on the My Life album, because P Diddy was still producing her music and he asked me to be a part of the project. I didn't want to do it, but P-Diddy told me to go in and keep a business mind.("Preserve yo' sexy"-Diddy is such a cornball but dats a whole notha post chile) So I did. Mary tried to stay in contact with me after that. I couldn't do it. She was heavy into drugs and alcohol. She was losing weight and her hair was looking messy every time she was not performing. She kept shades on to hide bags under her eyes. People were thinking that I gave her black eyes, but I wasn't around her at that time. The drugs were tearing her apart. I wanted to reach out to her, but I didn't want to start another relationship. I prayed for her everyday.

Vibe: What was the relationship like when you recorded with Mary J on the Mary album? That seemed like the turning point for Mary. We saw her grow from a girl into a woman. She was becoming an icon.

K-Ci: We recorded for a few days and that was it.

Vibe: Did any old feelings come up?

K-Ci: No, none at all, because she had already proved that we could never get back together. I was there to record and support her as an artist. Everybody thought we were together. But that was all false. The year before, Mary showed up at a big party in Atlanta that was for TLC. We were all hanging out and I was with a my date *a model from a video shoot* Mary was in Atlanta at the time doing a show and she popped up at the party drunk. She was a mess. Her hair was everywhere, she was dirty and she didn't have shoes on. P Diddy was there and he grabbed her and took her into a room and had a talk with her. She came out cussing everybody out. She tried to hit my date with a cane she picked up from a table.(*dead* at picturing this) Everybody was laughing, but they didn't know how serious this was. She was letting drugs ruin her life. She couldn't stand up straight and she had powder residue on her nose when she came out of the bathroom (negro stop fronting you know you left the br two seconds before her) I went to my limo and prayed and cried for her.(*rollseyes*) I felt terrible. I didn't understand why she was letting herself go. Her bodyguards couldn't control her. She was hoarse from screaming and everybody thought it was a joke. Some of the party goers didn't believe it was Mary. It was her. Yes it was.

Vibe: Why did you cry for her? Did you feel guilty. Did you feel as if you could have helped her in some kind of way.

K-Ci: I didn't feel guilty. I cried because she was far gone. She was addicted to drugs and the drugs were ruining her life. She had everything. She was away from the projects in Yonkers. She had a string of hits. She had just purchased a home in New Jersey, but she was still that same girl that with no self love. I wanted to call her and talk to her, but I wanted Mary to find her own way. I couldn't give her any solutions. I could lie and tell her everything was ok. I could lie and tell her she was beautiful.(thats dat crack rock speaking for him again yall) She had to feel secure within herself before anybody could convince her.

Read the rest on Blackvoices..

Stick around chirrens, I still got plenty of hot H.A.M and Turkeyleft to go 'round..

Right Pookie???

Fuck Tom Cruise AND Katie!

2006-04-20T12:17:00.000-04:00

"I wanna piss on yoooouuuuu"

So, yesterday I get tired of lollygagging on the net and turn on the television for a change. I notice I haven't been watching T.V a lot lately cause everything on it pretty much sucks like "Superhead" at a Grammy afterparty... But anyway, ANTM was coming on in an hour so I figured "what the hell" I turn to Channel 10 (NBC aka NOTHING BUT CRAP) and commence to watching some fukkery on Access Hollywood or one of those crazy ass paparazzi shoes that stalk celebrities and shit... "OOOOooooo Britney Spears' son prefers Old E to Budweiser mixed in with his forumla.. Let's all have a party!!!!!!" DIS.GUS.TING. Pat O'Brien, Billy "Did you notice i'm annoying and gay?" Bush, and Nancy O'Dell all seem to mesh into one annoying shit eating grin having character to me. I can smell the velveeta cheese just oozing from my screen onto my living room floor. Their insincere whining hitting my eardrums makes me wanna stab Elmo (and I heart Elmo). Who knows, maybe if we add an "O" to Billy ole boy's last name we can get a self-suicide cult going. The entire fucking show was about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes effing new bundle of superhuman alien baby-Suri. I hadn't even realized they had the baby until yesterday NOR did I care up to this point. It's just gotten ridiculous. Like who fucking cares??????????? They're regular ass people like you and me. They take shits. Albeit they have probably have human ass wipers who get paid 50 bucks per stroke, but they still poop--am I wrong? I sincerely feel sorry for that kid. No wait--I really could give a lukewarm crap (hahaha..I made a funny). Because at the end of the day she's gonna end up crazy just like her father, jumping on futon couches and shit for change on Hollywood Boulevard, while Katie Holmes tries to map out a route to planet Nebulon on James Van der Beek's forehead. Can't wait for Angelina and Brad's kid to crawl down that canal *rollseyes*

10 Facts About ME

2006-04-19T16:59:00.000-04:00

You didn't know or don't care to know..but you're gonna learn it anyway because I've been tagged a good three times by my fellow bloggers in crime..

*drum roll*

10. I grew up in Camden, NJ

..One of the most dangerous and poorest cities in America. I don't know...I never saw it that way when I was there *shrugs shoulders* It's home, where i'm from... I just moved about 4 years ago (only 20 minutes away) and i'm up there everyday for school. I have one motherfuckin' problem though: I never realized how annoying it is to have motherfuckers walk right in the middle of the goddamn streetwhile you're driving like they got X-Men invisible powers and shit (even though I used to to do the same damn thing..lol) [Doughboy] And keep them damn babies out the street! [/BoyzntheHood]

9. I am a genuis- No, really-----i'm not. But I am pretty intelligent. My mom had me in this smart kid program from 3rd-8th grade..

8. My favorite color is blue- any shade, I just like blue..

7. My favoite food is Lasagna. My mom's cooking>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>your entire existence.

6. I want to be a model. I wanna slap the shit out of Naomi Cambell and walk down the runway with her blackberry in hand. I'll even sprinkle some heroin on Kate Moss' head as she sits in the front row dazed and confused..I swear my walk is so mean!! Too effin bad i'm only 5'5":(

5. Lost my virginity at 17 (*feels like it's getting tooo personal*) to my ex boyfriend of 6 years..It didn't nearly hurt as much as my friends were making it seem. They were making it seem like I was gonna have a reverse birth and shit, baby shoved right up my ass-breach style!

4. Most embarrasing that ever happened to me: I was walking home from school one day rocking my new ispy K-Swiss' looking really cute. Well, there was a bunch of drug boys on the corner so I immediately switched into eagle eye mode (no matter what you do NOT look at the drug boys) and crossed the street so they wouldn't say anything to me. Well I got right to the corner of Mechanic St. and stepped in a huge pile of dog shit. Believe it was doberman..I was so embarrassed. I felt like the dumb hoe in Redman's video. I took my shoes off and walked the rest of the way home in socks..To this day I look at the ground where ever I walk..

3. I'm a little shy. Just a little, I get it from my mom but I've been trying to break out of it lately. Don't get me wrong i'll smack a hoe if she start talkin' out the side of her mouth! Because at the same time I do have a bad temper(go figure)..but i'm just a laid back type of person who doesn't like too much noise or drama. It's only if i'm pushed..only if i'm pushed...

2. I do hair..Micros, kinky twists, weaves..All that stuff-fo' cheap! So if you're ever in South Jersey and need me to hook you up..bark at me asap!! *shameless plug*

1. I love to laugh..I guess that's why I didn't do a serious personal blog. I just like to have fun and laugh at shit. It makes life a whole lot easier than to moan and bitch all the time. Even when i'm feeling my worse I try and find something to cheer me up...that's what this blog is for :)

FIN!

Lets get together..

2006-04-11T17:48:00.000-04:00

And have a CELEBRITY BASH! Ok, I don't get entirely sick of celebs. Just a few things that made me mutter a "WTF?!"

1. Oliva

Cute girl, nice face, sweet song, SO LONG! Wake me after 15 minutes..This girl has got the personality of a rock. What happened to all this shit talking you were doing pre-GUnit on "Bizzounce"?!? (love that song btw). She makes Mya look like Paris Hilton and Ashanti like Tina Turner. Pa.the.tic.

2. Naima Mora (ANTM Cycle 4 Winner)

No words. Ok weeellll maybe a few brief harsh ones. "A model is supposed to be on top of her game at ALL times" -Tyra Banks. So why does Naima look like she been more rock bottom than Whitney Houston on a Saturday night. Seriously if it wasn't for the porkchop sideburns screaming "WAX ME!!!", I wouldn't have been able to tell where she ends and the sand begins. All pale and sickly and flabby looking. Yeesh! Gyal ya neeta fix up, look sharp!

3.Remy Mother

Angel La over at Concreteloop had me on the flo' with the Rick James comparison. Now you all know how I feel about Remy Mother. This is just a travesty of fashion and all that I cannot and WILL not stand for. Are her stylists smoking rock or are they just too scared to speak up and steer her in the right direction? Goddamn she looks a straight mickey-fickin ignant ass mess. I just realized something the other day while listening to "Conceited"... LINE PLEASE!!

"And I look too gooood to be having kids.."

But wait...she has a 5 year old son right??? Yea she does...

*puzzled look and awkward silence*

That's enough for the day kids. Wash ya faces and hands. More peanut butter and fukkery to come... PEACE.

Stupid Girls on O'pree today..

2006-04-10T22:33:00.000-04:00

Who whored it better?

Today on Oprah or as I like to call her "Opree" she had on Karrine "Hoe Sit Down" Stephans to discuss her hoeism and trials and tribulations and shit OR as a Opree so eloqently put it : her career as a "video hoe." I damn near spit up my day old frozen tuna fish when Opree let that one slip. Steadman probably creamed his tighty whiteys hearing her talk all dirty and un-ladylike. Get em' girl. And if that wasn't enough drama fo' yo ass. Opree bought out irrelevant, manly, sickly-looking ass Pink. I swear she looked 37489327489347^10th times better when she was pretending to be black . Anyway, they talked about....you guessed it stupid heads, her video Stupid Girls and why she was calling Lindsay "Crackfiend" LoHoe, Parisite Hilton, Nicole "I-cant-keep-my-tic-tacs-down" Ritchie, and Jessica "Pimp-my-daughter" Simpleton all out and shit. Me personally, I like the song and the message. These whores have been corrupting young impressionable minds long enough as displayed by these young-pseudo hollywood sluts in training:

*~*!LiKOmGiH8ChuOpRee!*~*

The barren looks on their faces says it all. In one ear and out their vaginas. I bet the black girl goes tanning twice a week...

But OH MY DAMN GINA! Looks like a woman claiming to be Karrine's Stephans sister tried to blow her spot on Oprah's message board after the show:

video vixen's sister
Posted by: sunjula
Posted on: 04/10/2006 at 11:37am (42 of 444)

"I am the older sister of this young woman. The truth of her whole story is so far from what is reaching and being told to those that have been reading and watching her. Her real name is Karrin Stephens and her story of child abuse and neglect is so far from the truth .Karrin put herself in this lifestyle because she chose to from running away constantly to stripping to videos to pornos she has always had a choice. Her blackmail and attempts of blackmail has landed her in her current position. I am suprised that she has made it thus far on so many lies . Seeing her should be the lesson of what not to attempt sympothy of others. Make wise choices in life. She doesnt speak of her son who is now is the states custody , she doesnt speak of how she blackmailed the publisher with the x rated tape she made of them to get published, she doesnt speak of how she paid her mother (her abuser) of cohorting with her story to make her more of a victim."

MMM..mmm.mmm..smh. I wouldn't put it past that filthy hood nugget Karrine. She's such an unsavory character...Oprah should have that couch burned STAT! We wouldn't want Tom Cruise to get the herpes on his feets now would we?

Northeast weather sucks.

2006-04-05T16:27:00.000-04:00

Northeast weather is a bitch. Mother Nature *sigh*--that cunt must be on her period or something, actin' all wishy washy... Just this weekend it was a good 70+ out. I woke up this morning and it looked like The Day After Tomorrow out that bitch. I immediately cowered under my covers about to blow off class, but I look back up 15 minutes later and the goddamn sun is coming out. WTF? I drag my ass outta bed and get ready (reluctantly)..And off I go. By the time I get downtown it's snowing--again?!..I'm mad as hell and i'm not gonna take it anymore!! I went out a brought all these hot tight dresses that push up my titties and stuff and it's not even breaking 55. It's April already :(... *sigh* I can't take it no' mo'..

It's all about....

2006-04-05T12:34:00.000-04:00

[Melvin] Guns and butta baby[/Baby Boy]..Sike nah, It's all about Quality not Quantity..You know, sometimes I feel bad for neglecting this blog. But the truth is I do have a life. Not to say that bloggers who find the time to post everyday don't have one..And while I enjoy reading other blogs, there's just more important things too me--Like school, food, sleep, food, shopping, more sleep and sex (even though I haven't seen a penis in 3 months*womp womp*) I like to gossip about celebs and shit err' now and then, it get's repetitive. I like to talk about whatever I feel like talking about instead of being boxed into one category. And it takes me awhile to come up with a good post for yall. I'm like a perfectionist slash procrastinator.

So yea that's my sililoqui(sp?) and shit for the day. Back to a little thing I like to call...

Mental Diarrhea:

1) "ATL"

Saw it over the weekend..It wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact it was better than I though. Jason Weaver looks old as hell. I met him during the TLC Crazysexycool tour right after he did that movie "Summertime Switch"(my old feeling ass..lol). Well anyway, the movie was cute. The Twins were cute, "New New" was cute, T.I's little brother was cute..The shit was just CUTE. Bubba Gump was in it too..And, T.I's little light-skin-di-did ass could get it thoroughly and repeatedly just like his new album is on repeat in teh whip..

2) "Malls"
Alright I love to shop..love clothes..love fashion. But goddamn if I didn't go to a local mall in Jersey (we have like 503794732947394 malls in Jerz). Well anyway, I went to the Cherry Hill Mall because I hadn't been there in a year or two. Well me and a friend get up in there and it's like Sesame Street up in that bitch. Strollers darting at you every whichaway. Baby mommas looking mad and trife. Filthy teenagers acting ignant. It pissed me off. Now I know why I haven't been there in two fucking years. And to top it off I wore heels, not high ones. But I was looking cute (trying to catch a man and shit..pfft!). Only thing I coulda caught up in there was a cold. I witnessed the entire global population double in a mere 2 hours. It was ridiculous. Is that where they go to pick up the WIC checks now? I must have missed the memo...

Mental Junk

2006-03-27T17:45:00.000-05:00

Aight, so school is still kicking my ass- thoroughly yahewdmeh? In fact I'm supposed to be studying for a Psych of Human Sex course as you read this.. So I haven't been filling my brain with nothing but Psychology and shit..so uhhh..lets see.

Here's some random stuff that popped into my head

1)I am hot

Like, alright. I know i'm not conceited like Remy Mother or nothin like that(why that would be REEDICKYOULOUS), but when I came out the shower this morning and just stared at my naked body in the mirror I realized something.."Wow. I-am-sooo-sexy" I've learned to appreciate myself more. I don't have Buffy the Body's ass or fake tittie bags, but i'm just hot in all my chocolately goodness. Like me. Love me. Lick me.

2)"Wack Like That"

I hate Ghostface/Neyo's- "Back Like That" Other than the fact that I can't stand Neyo (that's a whole notha' post chile) this song is really fucking stupid so I won't even do it justice by putting up a link. Then again, I love Ghost--I really do, but he gotta stop the madness...LINE PLEASE!!!

Shorty what is you thinking bout
Didn't I put you down
Flyest whips, rollin' round like yea(so?)
That's the bosses chick, on the side
I might of had, one or two(what???!!)
Them silly broads wasn't nothing on you(but you still fucked em' right?*rollseyes*)
Rolling with him, try'nna get revenge
That's what you just don't do(Nigga pleeeease...)

*sigh*

See this is the stupid shit that get's on my nerves with men. Oh, you can fuck two or three stank heffa skeezoids but the minute shorty steps out to "do her", it's WWIII up in this bitch??!! Again- Nigga pleeeeease. This double standard shit has got to stop. Not that cheating is right, but goddamn can men DISH IT OUT, but these old sensitive Ralph Tresvant sensitivity singin', Foofy Foofy ass, Tropical drinkin ass, with the umbrella and marshmallows on top negros CAN'T TAKE IT! It's called Karma bitch! Deal with it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You'll eventually get that shit smashed in your face ya dig?

3) Myspace is boring.

It really kinda is, unless you actually know some of these people on your friends list in real life and shit. It gets boring after awhile.

-The notes from 40 year old white guys and 18 year old kids get boring after awhile. "Where do you live?" Bitch it's on my profile! Reading is fundamental...

-And the friend requests..don't get me started. So what you're in a band? Why should I add you? I don't listen to Emo bitch, stop sending me requests!

-Then you have the bulletins and those stupid ass chain letters that these hermit crab lames throw up every 2 seconds "Repost this lame ass note in 5 minutes or you won't have sex for 10 years." No loser, maybe if you'd let up your vice grip on the mouse and peel your ass off that chair you too could get some warm vagina and or/meat stick...

*sigh*

I've worn myself out for the day..More mental diarrhea to come later bitches.

Paaaaaaaaaaaaace *throws up da deuce*

WacArnolds is ruining my day!!!!

2006-03-21T21:37:00.000-05:00

So i'm on my way to school. 20 minutes until class starts and i'm starving. I said "fukk it..lemme stop for some breakfis.."I pull up to the drive through window and order a sausage, egg and cheese McMuffin, assuming they know I mean the entire meal because I always order that way and they usually ask you whether it's the meal or sandwich before you pull up..The drive though lady say's $3.01, so i'm thinking "Nah, she didn't put it down as the meal" and call her back again..This b!tch is urging me to pull up to the 1st window, but i'm trying to tell the heffa that I want the meal..NOT just the sandwich. So I give up and pull up to the 1st window to correct my order and the crusty teeth b!tch starts arguing with me about what I said.."Well, you said..you wanted the sandwich blah blah blah" Yea bitch, I know what I said, but i'm trying to correct it.. All the while i'm trying to explain to this cunt that I meant the meal. Just move your fukkin index finger b!tch and push whatever fukking button you have to push so I can fill my belly full of fat and delicious unhealthiness! Why the fukk are you arguing with me?!?! I know it was a mistake, just change my order. It was like forcefeeding an infant that doesn't want to eat. She was regurgitate what I initially said instead of changing my fucking order..I finally got so frustrated I told the lady-and I quote "Fukk that sandwich b!tch!! you making me late and i'm HONGRY!!!"..and peeled out the lot so quick I didn't even get to see the disgustatya expression on her face. She made me lose it yall. I'm not usually that mean to people, but she caught me on the wrong morning...

So I pull off and enter Camden, NJ (my ghetto ass hometown) still hungry..still mad. I stop at the first McDonalds in sight and go inside this time..Big mistake..There's this scrawny looking boy at the counter. Looks like work cut into his jackoff time or something cause was type angry to be at work 8.am. There's a crowd of about 5 people standing around waiting to be served. He seemed to be working furiously but at the same time, no one was getting their food. So we're all standing there for a good five minutes and he starts taking orders. He gets to me and I order a orange juice with my #2. What does he say??? "AIN'T NO MORE ORANGE JUICE..THEY ALL FROZEN"..I'm like wtf? ...*sigh* I had 5 minutes to get to class so I just got Minute Maid. Next, I get my sammich and it's on a buscuit. A fukking buscuit!! I ordered the muffin..The #2 BITCH!!! I made him change it and stormed out the store mad as hell..I'm still mad as hell.

Now, The moral of the is..

*Full House solution-to-a-conflict music plays*

I try to be as cordial as possible to service and retail workers because I used to work in retail and I know how shitty customers can be, but at some point it'll be your unfortunate luck to get one of these incompetent rude assholes taking your order or ringing your clothes up (if you haven't already) and you can't help but to be rude back and pull the "Customer is always right" rule out of your ass..It's not my fault you're not satisfied with your work. Who is? But don't make shit hard for everyone..

Drop your fast food horror stories..

Bonus: Chappelle Show "WackArnolds" Skit

Hey BITCHES!!!!

2006-03-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

I missed you *hugs*

I've been on spring break..Woop-di-fucking-doo..I didn't do anything but sleep and put off studying. My mouse was out of commission so I haven't been updating like I should. But i'm ba-aaack. And my index finger is sore from pushing that goddamn "Tab" button over and over..lol. But yes..I'm back *sigh* "What's been the goings on you ask?"..Well:

1) I still miss my ex boyfriend. It's been over 2mths, but i'm still missing this M&M peanut head nugga. Why are men such asses, but yet we still love them? I feel like Evette when Jody told her to get off his step in Baby Boy "Jody don't luh me no mo' :("
2) I'm horny.
3) I have to wait another year to get into the nursing school I really wanted to go to(mind you I have a 3.5 GPA, all my pre-req's done, and nothing but A's and B's on my transcript)..What a bitch gotta do to get her shine on??!!!! This pushed my graduation back a year..*mad as hell*
4) Did I mention I was horny?
5) I still miss my ex b/f

Well, that's all the bad news, but the good news is i'm in luv wit--A--SONG.

By Corrine Bailey Rae- Just Like A Star.

.::click the pic to visit her official site::.

It's rare that I fall in love with a song on first listen, but I was cleaning up one day and turned to VH1 to hear this beautiful song and it caught me mid-sweep..She sounds like Billie Holiday, and seeing as though i'm all depressed and down this fit my mood perfectly. Listen to the entire song here on myspace.

Who wore it better?

2006-03-13T19:36:00.000-05:00

Peggy Bundy vs The Queen Aretha Franklin

Who wore it better?

There is absolutley no fucking reason for her to be this fat. Geez, you would think people with money have all types of trainers and shit to keep them in shape or to spoon feed them Slim Fast. But uh uh..Not the Queen. It sounds like she actually likes being this way. Why you ask? I don't know and it's a shame because we'd sure like to keep her around for a few more years..

Kelis' "Bossy" video

2006-03-12T12:53:00.000-05:00

I think she looks great. And the song is pretty hot...Mrs. Jones, I ain't mad at ya!

Camron's-"Touch It Or Not/Wet Wipes" Video

2006-03-10T09:05:00.000-05:00

Meh, I expected hilariousness with J.J Evans and fake Bey but this shit is straight Oscar the Grouch--HOT GAAHHBAGE!

I can't believe I'm saying this but--Jay Won.

In other news...

**Kids dressed up as celebrities

Is it just me because upon looking at the pictures I automatically thought "Texas beauty pageant..Texas beauty pageant.." It's cute, but in a way it's a little creepy dressing those chirrens up like that with all that makeup and shit on. Who knows what sex pervs are looking at those photos. Ya know?

Shar Jackson we have to talk.

2006-03-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

Shar Jackson--I feel sorry for her. I mean, 2 kids by K-Fug and the bastard runs off with Biggly Spears while she's preggers with the 2nd kid. But by no means is she excused from Takeitoutside's claws (*hisses*) when it comes to this monstrosity she calls wearable:

And the pose, what can we say that hasn't already been said about K-Fed? She looks like a 5 year old who doesn't wanna get her Easter dress dirty. "Look mah, it's got ruffles and beads and crocodile skins..teeheee" Somebody adjust this girl's helmet..And put some lotion on her ashy ass hands for the love of unprotected sex!!

The Shar black people know as Niecy:

Ain't a damn thang change, she just squeezed her ghetto ass into a prom dress. Don't get me wrong, I like Shar-she's a pretty girl but she needs a stylist. STAT!

Did I mention, Shar even made her very own version of Britney Spear's-"Toxic" Listen close and you'll hear Shar call Britney a "bitch" at the end...mwahahaha.. Shar is my HERO!! She is all of our heroes.

.:Shar Jackson's version of Toxic:.

Vivica Fox I think you and the collagen lips need join the discussion..What in the hell wrong with the breastisis baby?..Whas' wrong wit' em?!!? I hope this is photoshopped:

Even if it is photoshopped, I still have a bone to pick with Viv. She was beautiful pre-surgery. Black women age gracefully, we don't need all that collagen crap and titty bags...smh @ Vivica for falling victim to Hollywood propaganda and insecurities.

Jamie Foxx --> The New Terrance Howard??

2006-03-07T18:47:00.000-05:00

He's not in every other movie like Terrance, but goddamn is he in every other bald Hollywood snatch..He's spreading his penile juice all over Hollywood, with this pic of him and Meagan Goode..

Wow, so much for those Eva LongWHORia rumors, but then again..who knows. Jamie Foxx is so unpredicktable

Hopefully he don't run into any Wandas:

P.S: I miss funny Jamie- don't you???? :(

Now listen here BITCHES.

2006-03-07T12:15:00.000-05:00

Ladies public bathrooms have to be the most vile, disgusting, horrible, triflin' i'm-just-nasty-hoe-cause-i-wanna-be, germ ridden, fishy ass vomit, boiled onions and two day old cabbage smellin', make me loose my appetite for a week places on the face of the galaxy. WASH YOUR FUCKING FILTY HANDS BITCHES!! College bathrooms are the worse. Why is the library bathroom out of order? BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE FUCKING FISH! I kid you not. Nemo would be highly offended! You can't even pay a janitor to go in that toxic dump. Just disgusting. Here's a few tips for you ignant stank ass bitches. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!

1) Throw your tampons and blood ass pads in the box thingy..not on it bitch
2) Stop putting your books and make up and shit on the sink counters..that track germs you idiot
3) Dispense some tissue before you wash your hands..Don't touch on the nasty ass handle after you wash your hands
4) Don't use that dryer disease box thingy bitches. It's just spurts out millions of nasty ass airborne bacteria from the nasty ass bathroom
5) Don't touch the door handle to leave with you bare hands you stupid silly bitch. Didn't you just wash your hands? But then again you wouldn't realize that because you're such a idiot!
6) Better yet..USE TISSUE TO TOUCH EVERYTHING!

I'm such a germaphobe..bordering on OCD sometimes. I get crazy looks from bitches because I wash my hands before I go to the bathroom. Why would I want to touch my vagina with dirty hands?--I don't. I chaulk it up to my experience in the health field, but oh well bitches. It keeps me sane in a way. Also, ending every sentence with the word "bitch" also keeps me sane--bitches.

Our friend and confidant Mary J. Blige feels the same about those nasty bitches..

All hail to Queen Mary's ass

Apparently she requires a new toilet seat for any hotel room she resides in..I don't blame her. Even though people say the toilet is pretty clean, I don't buy that shit (literally..lol). These are probably the same people that don't wash their nasty funky ass hands after they use the funky nasty ass public bathroom..bitches!

Pimps are having THE BEST WEEK EVAAAR!!

2006-03-06T09:40:00.000-05:00

Three 6 Mafia's performance for "Hard Out Her For a Pimp" at the 78th Annual Academy Awards. I didn't watch the entire thing last night. I was too busy pissed at "Flavor Of Love" for jipping me out of the goddamn finale with some dumb ass flashback show. Yall tell me why Evett--I mean Taraji got up there in her pretty white prom dress to sing her heart out..It's just not right!

Behold: Hilariousness...

Did I mention

Cassidy Out of Jail
You Looka Lika MAN!

Black women. We got to do BETTER!

2006-03-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

Is Thanksgiving here already?? *sniff sniff* cause I smell freshly baked honey glazed H.A.M! Why do celebrities always manage to make themselves look like Grade F shit?! I know the Oscars aren't here yet, but damn. Brush your hair, put some makeup on..DAMN!

(Disclaimer: The following may be disturbing to the fashion forward, children, and hater's alike)

Just lookin out of the window...

2006-03-03T20:32:00.000-05:00

The first pics from Cam's new video "Wet Wipes"[source]

I haven't heard the song yet but the video looks *claps* DYNOMITE!! with this paraody of Jay & Bey

Hilariousness!! And the more I look at Jimmie Walker the more he looks like Jay-Z..The resemblance is damn near uncanny:

Ain't we lucky we got em'....

More Celebrities/People I would like to Punch in the Face v1.1

4) Whitney Houston

Enough said. How in the fuck did she go from ashy to classy..BACK to ashy again? What a fucking shame yall. Yall know who I blame it on too dontya? Don't get me wrong, I was probably one of her most loyal fans up until "We Got Something In Common". She needs to make a comeback and FAST! And I have an inkling that an Free crack givea--err Intervention will be what the street pharmacist ordered. Smoke two rocks and call me in the morning.

5) Models:

These bitches must be some of the most shallow, hungry, evil hoes on the face of the planet. Why? because THEY ARE FUCKING HUNGRY!! I was watching the Style Network backstage at some eccenctric gay mans show (aren't they all), and the bitches were so mean. Icegrilling the camera, yelling at the crew, flashing their sunny side up titties..trying to get beautiful and shit...Is it really that serious? I see why Tyra retired from modeling. She's been starving for 15 goddamn years! Naomi needs to take a break long enough from beating bitches down to get a bite of Taco Bell in every now and then...Now that's FIEYARCE!!

6) Chickenheads

Alright i'm from the ghetto (Camden, NJ and still alive to tell the story..lol) And I myself, believe it or not, can get pretty ignant when provoked (of course you can believe it '_'). But i've always had a problem with out of control loud-mouth chicks named "Tookie" or Quesanera and shit like that. Chicken-necking and eye-rolling mammy's that always wanna talk shit. Always up in a negros face, rocking Prada while their kids got on Forman Mills. Or you can catch em' in the "Huddy up and Buy" store for the newest Yaki Perm weave; Quick to roll her blue contacts at me and flip her blond weave like i'm fugged up. BITCH, i'm in college with no kids. Something yo' mammy shoulda taught ya! All you need to do is "stfu" and take my order. If ya see one tell her Takeitoutside said PROMISCUOUS WOMAN, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT!!!

People I Would Like To Punch In the Face

2006-03-01T18:10:00.000-05:00

O.k, so it looks like I got ONE suggestion for this shitty blog. "Anonymous" suggested I should do a post on people I would punch in the face: So here goes..

People I Would Like To Punch In The Face v1.0

1) Star Jones

Enough said. She is thee most annoying person/thing/organism in the fucking galaxy God must have been under some serious stress when he made her. The name alone is impetus enough for me regurgitate my lunch without hesitation. How disgusting is she? I mean, how desperate do you have to be to marry a man that clearly has "how you doooiiiin?" tendencies, put up a website about it, and then write a book about finding LOVE on top of that. Love? Do we reeeally need advice on love from Star Jones? METHINKSNOT. Is this bitch completely stupid or did the myelin sheaths around her fucking brain neurons dissolve with the rest of her body fat? We'll never know..She'll never tell. And guess what? I don't want to know.

2) Young Jezzy
Or "Young Cheezy" as I like to call him. Apart from his nails on the blackboard-esque voice, Why was it so fucking cool to sell crack in 2005? Yea yea yea, I know he's just one in a long line of rappers, but so what? If I see another Snowman/"Trap Or Die" t-shirt so help me goodness i'm gonna scream like a white girl at a Green Day concert. Lastly, he has a woman face with no facial hair whatsoever. My pussy is so envious.

P.S Did you guys hear about that new shit they call CHAPSTICK? I guess Cheezy here never got the memo. My diagnosis?? ALNS(Ashy Lipped Negro Syndrome) ..

3) Nancy Grace
Wow, just look at face of this self-serving cunt. She plops on her dry ass Aquanet wig every night, practices her southern drawl and commences to pissing me the fuck off. She kills me with her agressive "I-really-give-a-damn-about-missing-girls" gimmick. Bitch please. If you really gave a damn, why didn't you cover the Latoyia Figueroa story? I have a Kanye moment everytime I watch her show. I don't think she cares about black people yall. Trust me I sent in an angry email along with numerous others. Among crawling across hot coals on her vagina before bed, Nancy loves to railroad the shit out of her guests. And on top of that she was pretty much out to squeeze the glitter off of Micheal Jackson's balls during his trial (how little they may be). She was practically creaming her grannie panties seconds before the verdict, but alas Mike Jack got off. Her expression: PRICELESS!

More to come tomorrow!!!

I've been on my grind..

2006-02-28T11:43:00.000-05:00

Mid-terms are coming up and quite frankly my dears, i've run out of creative ideas to post about. Celebrities bore me sometimes, and you tend to see the same thing/same pictures site to site. So it doesn't make sense for me to follow suit since it's already been done. I like to set myself somewhat apart from the crowd.. So, what i'm gonna do is let you all come up with some post topics about anything you'd like..It can be a celebrity that you want me to roast, television show, or just some observations about fucked up things/people that we see everyday. If you admire my silly ass or just don't know how to express your disdain about something, this is a chance for you to quench your hateristic thirst..

Submit you ideas in comments OR email me your idea via the link under "After Hours Spots" I look forward to the ensuing fukkery..

Ready, Set, GO!

Fabulousness!!

2006-02-22T18:21:00.000-05:00

Fabulousness!!

If you already don't know..Lawd know's I luuuuvs me some Tyra. I usually don't like animal print, but Tyra rocked it right. See the rest of the pics over at Cake

But i'ma tell Harpo' ta beat her if she keeps doing shit like THIS:

I found this over at Perez who is just about twice as fabulous as Ms. Banks. Apparently, she's going undercover for her talk show as a skripper(yes, skripper) to see how ignant and foul men can get up in the strip club. I must say, I didn't recognize her at first glance. She does kinda look like her name is Quasanera Jenkins from the C-building next to the Crown Fried Chicken..Let's hope she don't run into T-Pain.

Speaking of...

I'm N Luv(Wit A Stripper) must be the most ignant, most triflin', most "negro please" worthy song of the year. (BTW Who decided to give this T-Pain a fuckin' record deal? They must be smokin the stickiest of the icky) But guess what?? I LOVE IT!!!..I mean seriously, how could you not love a ghetto love ballad with lyrics like these:

"She poppin she poppin she rollin she rollin...and she climbin that pole"

She turnin tricks on me (yea yea yea)
She don't even know me(yea yea yea)
I need to get her over to my crib to do tha night thaaaaang(night thang)...

Hilariousness!! And to make matters even better (or worse) the video adds more fuel to the fire.

Do you see the predato--err T-Pain pop locking and dancing with his crew like he's in an Ursher video?! I don't think Chris Brown needs to worry about krumping his 16 year old pelvis any harder. I love the faces that white folks make when I blast this on my daily commute to class. That's right Peter and Susan, I'm poppin and rollin all the way to class..But then again White folks are in luv with this song too..Yea Yea YEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Nas and Jay: A Beautiful Thing

2006-02-17T18:58:00.000-05:00

So last night, while trying not to fall asleep (cause sleep is the cousin of death *clever*) sitting up doing late homework I caught the All Eyes On:Nas and Jay interview. It was fairly interesting to say the least, to see two quintessential MC's come together after such overcooked beef...shit damn near charbroiled. Scratch that--twas ETHERED. The interview was full of cute little sandbox moments and quotes. Jay was his usual charismatic self and Sway didn't shy away from asking some good questions. But they looked a tad uncomfortable a few times and I was kind of disappointed they didn't air the comment Nas made about gettin' at Camomile Giles. But I was satisfied. I was feeling that throwback crosscolor-esque Nike jacket and the part was precision perfect. I'll be waiting on that collabo album like the rest of yall..YUP!

P.S Jay Lost

Something Mos Def Made..

2006-02-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

And it sure is hell ain't $$money$$...

Mos Def in court for Child Support

Mos Def spent Valentine’s Day in court arguing over the amount of child support payments that should be given to his ex-wife, Maria Yepes-Smith.

The rapper, whose real name is Dante Smith, was originally ordered to pay $10,000 a month to support his 7- and 8-year-old daughters. But since the order was issued, Mos has paid roughly $8,000 a month, explaining that obligations to his three other children and other business issues prevented him from making the court ordered amount. read the rest

--All jokes and hate aside, I think $8,000 a mth is more than enough to raise a child..$96,000 a year?!!. Bitch puh-lease. If Ms.Phatbooty needs more money she betta pull the clear shoes out of retirement and holla at a pole.

Anywaaaay...

--I told yall Kanye West was the new Micheal Jackson. All it's missing some shoulder pads and gold tassels..Go head boy, G'head get down..

--Kelis.. I know you didn't cut off all that pretty hurr! I hope that's a wig because short hair makes her face look fat...

And speaking of FAT...

If you haven't figured out who it is..I'll give you a minute to get over the horror (I needed quite a few afer I saw it on CL)..It's Moonique yall! Check out her new website.

Ashanti. Ashitty. Amazing

2006-02-14T20:02:00.000-05:00

Whatever you wanna call her. She's sure been out and about lately. Recap shall we?

Uh oh..

Uh oh..Uh oh

Uh NO NO.

Ashanti. You AIN'T NOT Beyonce. I can't believe she was once a dance student. And would someone like to explain to the class why Ashanti always manages to make herself look tacky onstage with this "The Look For Less" outfit she's rocking? OOOOooo OOOOOOoo I know!!!: She scurried on down to the local Rainbow and bought the outfit, 29.99 + Tax with enough time to spare to skiddaddle on down to the "Hurry Up And Buy" for some 1.99 trinkets. $Cha-ching$

But Wha-wa-WAIT it get's worse!!!

Ashanti is back to hauking her cheesy wears..First it was her perfume "Precious Jewel". Now it's her new Vitamin (yes vitamins yall!!) Beauty Product OPC-3. Or what I like to call: "OH PLEASE CHILE!"

How can they stand behind this crap and think people are dumb enough to buy it. Shit I could see if it was a Proactive commerical. But OPC-3? That sounds like some shit that ends up in the middle of a class action lawsuit against the FDA. Mediocrity pays off kids.

Everytime I see this poster I think of...(click the picture to find out)

Again-- HAPPY (or BAD) VALENTINE'S DAY HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Valentines Day

2006-02-14T18:31:00.000-05:00

Yea, I said it..And isn't this nauseatingly appropriate?--All my posts are in red.

Lets move on..I know you're all doing kegels and crossing your fingers in anticipation of an update..

Welp, today wasn't all that different except I got a call from Mr. Gooddick (my ex, for the remedial) early this morning while on my way to class. He wanted me to come visit him, but I had to get to class. *sigh* And while I would've loved getting my box pummeled instead of learning about fucking panic attacks in Abnormal Psych, I couldn't miss class. Well, I could've but I really don't like to miss class. I feel like such a fuckin nerd sometimes, but I gotta stay focused this semester. That breakup two weeks ago didn't exactly put me on the track to success. Hence, the "D" I received today for my test in that class last week. Well, at least i'm in his thoughts. And i'm quite sure which part of the body was doing thinking for him this morning. Must have been thinking reeeallly HARD. Perhaps we can have some of that coveted post-breakup/quasi-makeup sex later on cause Meesohoooryyyyy

I hate Valentines Day

2006-02-13T15:06:00.000-05:00

I really mean it...

All my Valentines Day's have sucked harder than a newborn. I mean I never gushed and giggled over the thought of roses and candy because I never expect my boyfriend to buy me anything. Either I was broken up with him or neither of us really cared. Theres 364 other days to express your love and have hot sweaty sex minus all the telegrams and shit. So this year shouldn't be any different, especially since we're not even speaking right?. WRONG! It's the day before "I-wanna-go-to-Red-Lobster-and-get-fucked-at-the-snooty-fox" Day and I feel rather shitty. I keep having these delusions of grandeur that my ex will pop up at my house with a dozen roses and candy and bears and shit and we'll make sweet neverending coitus until my hips pop out the socket. Finally I snap back to the cold ass reality and think "What the fuck is wrong with you Keshia?!!" This is usually followed by crying and compulsive cleaning..

I swore I had my feelings in check...Hadn't called him for awhile and I was feeling quite confident that we'd be back together one day. Now, i'm not so confident. We haven't spoken for a minute and when I call he never picks up. I can't accept this shit. I won't. It is truly unacceptable. I gotta get my man back yall. I thought about gettting him something for tomorrow and popping up at his house. But I don't wanna get played on some ole' Jody in Baby Boy "Get off my step Evette" type shit. I really don't care for Valentines Day and I'm tired of thinking it over. So I'll leave it up to yall.

What should I do?...
Vote in my mini poll under "Leftovers"

Kanye West is the new Michael Jackson

2006-02-09T11:27:00.000-05:00

I'd like to thank the academy....

For indulding in all my sick twisted celeb fantasies last night. Kanye West was a sight to behold-- from the Scarface meets Rico Suave suit that showed all the taco meat on his chest, the gloves minus rhinestones, to the blatant "thank you note" he whipped out on stage. I loved it. The performance w/ Jamie Foxx was a little "whatthefuck-ish?"..well moreso the outfits, but it was cute. I liked the little "Broke Phi Broke" skit..Typical Kanyeester...

Chappelle- I'm happy to see him back in the spotlight..He looked alright..Suit was kinda funny looking on him though. All he has to do is blink and I'm laughing..

Fantasia- No fucking comment *stern face*

Kelly Clarkson- Fugly. Humble? She should be.

Destiny's Chirrins- Who the fuck did that to Michelle's hair? Channeling 80's sober Whitney Houston are we Michelle?--lets not.

Mariah Carey- Performance started off pretty fucked up, but ended with a soul stirring gospel "Hey i'm black just like you" finish...

Paul McCartney- Uhhh...

Sly and the Family Stone- Uhh...

Mary & Bono- Mary killed it though I didn't care too much for the song..

Impromptu Stevie & Alicia duet- Meh....Alicia looked nice though. Dropped some weight. Gal' looks good...Now if she could only stop acting "mannish"

Ciara- She looked cute in the dress, but quite uncomfortable. Penile slippage?--we'll never know..

Gwen Stefani- aww...Preggers and all. But between me and you Gwen, leave the sheet on the mattress when you get out of bed..

Jay-Z- Why didn't you say anything? You just let Linkin Park kiss your whole asshole while you stood there..Not cool!

It's been a long time....

2006-02-06T12:27:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time..I shouldn'ta left you without a dope post to laugh to

Wsup ppl..I know I know..I haven't been posting a lot. And the reason for that is that i'm going through a few personal things right now *serious face*

Nah, fuck all the ring around the rosey crap. Let me keep it real. [ Chappelle ] Cause I keeps it REAAL!! [ /Dave ].

*dramatic pause*

Me and my boyfriend of 7 years just recently broke up and I haven't had the desire or time to post. You wanna hear my daily routine. Sure you don't. But here goes anyway:

Wake up--cry
Shower--cry
Get dressed--cry
Drive to school--crying
Go to class--try NOT to cry
Drive home--cry
Watch television--cry
Cry self to sleep.
Wash rinse repeat.

Fucking pathetic right?--I wholeheartedly agree.

But 7 years??!! You gotta give me some empathy motherfuckers. I'm trying to get over it, but this shit is hard. My long term good (really good) dick--gone. Just like that. Over something silly. I would tell yall what, but I don't keep it that real. Then the radio is overkilling Neyo's- So Sick. UGH. I'm gonna put in a request for Kelis'- Caught Out There so I can look like a complete idiot screaming all the way to class.

But ahhh, no need to fret my 2 loyal fans. I'll try to post whenever I can, but school is kicking my ass too. So, cross your fingers and clench your buttcheeks..Posts will come soon.

P.S--and post comments goddamnit! What yall don't luh me no mo'?? I get it--That seems to be the norm now anyway:(

*cries*

Saturday slushie

2006-01-28T22:38:00.000-05:00

UNCLE PHIIIIIILLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tatyana Ali looks great in these pictures. Bruvas you betta squeeze out a good one to these..I heard she only likes white guys..

When, How, Why, Where, and WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, What the Blue Fuck is right Fresh. David Gest (Liza Minelli's former husband/punchingbag) and Da' Brat??!! DATING?!! This is like the unholiest of unheterosexual couples EVAR!! I think they've just one upped Star and Al as the most ambiguously gay duo. How do you even begin to figure out what goes in what hole? It's a rubix cube of a mystery I tells ya. I just hope this is a cruel fucking joke for the sake of my sanity and appetite.

Ray J- the GANGBANGER

2006-01-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

AP: So you're a former gangbanger?

Ray J: Yeah. As a teenager ... I was young and just trying to find myself. (PFFT!..)

AP: I've read that you've been shot at so many times, you can't remember all of them.(LMAO!!..yeah right!) Did they ever shoot at you for being Brandy's brother? (Probably..lol)

Ray J: (Laughs) No. When you live in Carson and Compton and Long Beach and you growin' up in the neighborhood, getting shot at is just a regular thing. If you're hanging out at the school after hours with your friends and y'all shootin' dice and people are drinking and smoking and it's a gang environment and it's a party life constantly, that's where another rival gang targets. Just wearing red or wearing blue, in L.A., you get shot at. It was just one day when I almost got shot in front of my house, my grandma, in front of my family, and I realized it was no more fun and games. We used to run and laugh and hop the gate and get away, but that time I felt like my life was being threatened. read the rest

*sigh*..Can someone say CORN!!!

Ray-J *nigga please stare* Who you tryna fool with that suspect shirt? What set you from homay?! Da Pink Pantha's? Let's face it. The only gangbanging you've participated in required astroglide and a sturdy bed. I've come to the conclusion that this is nothing more than a ploy to sell records to the hood. Or "pimp the hood" as the #1 Hater Star (of Star and Buckwild) likes to call it.. It's really a shame that artists think selling a 'tough guy' image works for everyone. It really doesn't and it actually makes you look like a fucking clown. Just be your cute cornball self Ray-J. You might not sell a million records, but at least you'll still have your dignity(and Brandy's Moesha money).

Refresh button...

--According the the Daily news and via Fresh Ray-J was spotted bustin' slobs with ole girl "Supahead"..Looks like he's not so homo. But he damn sho' got the yuck mouth...Ewww

Oh yea, remember I was tellin' you all about the Carmen Bryan/Nas book expose' thingy. Well here's the website. She's really trying to get her lil 15 minutes of fame. She even said she wants to turn the whole hip-hopera into a musical..Not a movie but a musical?!!! Here's a few links for her upcoming interview in King Magazine's March issue(shout out to MIKE BLESS of SOHH):
It+Was +Written + s-m-h

I guess hoes are gonna have the Best Year EVAR!

B.E.T--Ya dead wrong.

2006-01-27T14:09:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I've been seeing commercials for this BET special: 25 Most @#%! Moments in Black History, hosted by none other than racially charged comedian Paul Mooney. In the commercial he says some dumb ass joke: "It's like selling slaves, you can't look away because you might be next.." or some corn like that. OK, at this point i'm just SMH. BET is notorious for stupid shit, wackness, ignance', clown ass rappers, ass and titty shaking, oh and did I mention--Gospel? But this has got to be the dumbest fucking show to ever air; even more shit stained than Homeboy's In Outer Space.

I would like to know what genuis brought up the bright idea of a show like this the day before BLACK HISTORY MONTH!? Or at all for that matter. They would get a swift punch to the nasal bone if I had my way. Do they really think black folk are that shallow and mindless that we cackle and knee slap at anything they pull out their ass and throw on the tube? What happened to the news? Oh, I remembeeer. They cut the news so they could show more ASSSS SHAKING.Why did Rap City fall off? Why does "Bobby Jones Gospel Hour",come on right after Uncut *sings* "Oh whyY-i-i-i are all your shows all CRAP?!!" ..Every show they have is generic spinoff of another show. Pa.the.tic

Why go out of your way to poke fun at your own people instead of uplifting and pointing out the positive that we do. I seriously suggest B.E.T put themselves at the number one spot because cause they're damn sure #1 on my list.

Edit: Wow. I posted a comment on the BET Discussion board as "Zwiqqyred" along with other people appalled at the show and they erase them. BET is really fucking pathetic. I'm gonna keep posting more just to piss them off. Join me if you feel the same way..

Randoms..

2006-01-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

Jada Pinkett Smith with her band "Wicked Wisdom"..sniff sniff..Is that the smell of corn and H.A.M?!..Where is will when ya need him? He need's to sit honey down and have a heart to heart with her, hold her hand or something..

This just in..

--So I heard about this early last year waaay before Karrine "Superhoe" Stephans decided to go mainstream media whore. But apparently Nas' ex/baby mama, Carmen Bryan is set to release her book called :"Sex, Drugs and Hip-Hop — Oh, and Did I Mention Love?" She's supposed to be airing out her relationship with NaS & her role with the whole Jay/NaS beef. Read the rest right chea...

In my opinion, I think Carmen should just get over it, stfu, and move on. NaS is long gone and happily married with Kelis (to my dismay :( ) This is probably the only book a young hoodrat will read this year, and look at the title! Just pathetic. And what's worse is she'll probably get a seat in front of Tyra, go on some big media shit blitz, and take up valuable book shelve space. All for nothing. HOE SIT DOWN.

Look like Ms. Eve Jeffers is movin' on up tooOOO whiiiite guyyyys. And Robin Givens is well--Robin Givens. I think they both look great/happy..That's all that matters :)

--More reason why Mary J. Blige is Queen: listen to this Busta/Mary/Rah Digga/Missy-Touch It rmx. Hotness...

STILLETOS. PUMPS...IN THE SNOW!!

2006-01-26T10:42:00.000-05:00

--Ladies, ladies LADIES. I'm just gonna get straight to the point. STOP WEARING FUCKING STILLETOS AND SHORT ASS SKIRTS IN COLD WEATHER!! You know who you are. We all see your shiverin ass at the bus stop in a extra smedium lime green Rocawear coat, denim mini-skirt up your ass, and some lopsided ass rundown pumps. Just stop it--alright? You are not in a fuckin' music video. It is cold. When it is cold you put clothes on. Warm clothes. Get it? Got it? Good.

Yesterday was my birthday

2006-01-23T12:54:00.000-05:00

The anniversary of yours truly's birthday was yesterday 1.22.84. I'm 22 years old now..I sure as hell don't feel like it or look it.. What did I do? I had an ok. time. Went out to dinner with my cousins, chilled, sang Happy Birthday..got some money (I sure as hell needed it)..I didn't drink..Especially after what happened New Year's. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

I'll post whenever I get the chance or whenever something interesting smacks me in the face. Right now school is my number one priority. But while I'm here let me share with you a little segment I like to call:

My thoughts:

On the Camron vs. Jay-Z; Black Ashton Kutcher; Hovi Baby..blah blah blah

- Chanclatas? Jeans with chanclatas..Roofles! Cam is hilarious. I love a good tongue lashing(esp at the expense of Jay-Z), but Camron's angry man rant borders on grade school lunchroom antics. I can't call it..I'll hold my verdict until Joe Camel clap's back..(if he does)

more thoughts to come later bitches..I have class to attend.. :(

2006-01-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

Penelope Cruz is the new Angelina Jolie. Are those Sean's kids? idk and don't care. Buuut...

Question: Why do celebrities and politicians think they can gain "black people passes" if they let little unfortunate kids kiss all on em or say stupid shit. I'd revoke them shits and distribute HOE SIT DOWN awards like my girl Supasister..

LOL...Nah nigga this ain't Destiny's Mama. Presenting the "Dreamettes" for the upcoming film "Dreamgirls". Bey looks like somebody's mama. Jennifer looks somebody's Big mama, and ole girl off to the side looks like stepsister. It just ain't right..lol. [Source]

Oprah you need to get "Sophia" on em'

2006-01-20T19:32:00.000-05:00

I love Oprah..I really do. She is the epitome of what women(esp black women) should aspire to be. A rich beyaaaaatch. I love the fact that she can be on such a personal/emotional level with her guests; and yet still gloat about the fact that she is richer than you EVAR will be. Even in your wildest dreams BITCHES!!! You really have no choice but to love Ms. O. She's had Steadman on hold more than an EMS operator in the ghetto. I wonder what their bedtime conversations are like. : "Steadman, prop my book up with the tip of your index finger for me. And after you're done with that be sure that my kids (her dogs) receive their camomile and greentea bath. Now chop chop skiddadle nugga!!"

But today I just wasn't feelin' you O. I need that "You tol' Harpo ta' beat me?!" Oprah in my life. That Ms. Sophia that's quick to lay a saltine down in his tracks without even blinking..

In case you missed it she had Jaimee Foxworth aka "Crave" (Judy from Family Matters) on the show, explaining how she got into porn.; and some backwood's hick parents that hired a skripper for their son's 16th birthday party (and got into big trouble over it; rightfully so). I must say Oprah's kinda' late with the Crave thing...But nonetheless I set my comcast reminder. If lil innocent Judy can't escape the dangers of child stardom..What's next?! Little Ritchie doing foot fetish porn with some Michael Jackson glitter shoes. They call it Thrilleeeeer..Thrillllller night!

The show starts off dramatic: TODAY on Oprah: What's the BIGGEST Mistake you've ever made..*scary music*

Jaimee: "I was naive, drunk and my broke ass
b/f wanted me to do it "

Oprah: "What about working at Mickey D's?"

J: "Bitch is you crazy!? My weave might catch fire
on the fry machine. Do you know how much Yaki perm
costs these days?!" (*tosses dry ass weave*)

O: "Oh my bad! Well damn, you ain't gotta be all snippy about it.
Carry on hoe bag..."

"Well like I was sayin' befo' I was so rudely interrupted(*rollseyes*)..I couldn't walk
around with out holding my head high
or [...] without people saying "Eww"

O: "Umm..eww is right. And yes Family DOES Matter. Moving ooOooon.

Now next, we have the Lyin' ass parents, 16 year old boy(or girl) and the Skripper with NO Wardrobe..

Skripper tranny hoe is on the left..
Ummm..The one on the right is the son. No comment.

Mayella Ewell and daddy Bob look lye-fully clean
(To Kill a Mockingbird ref. for all you non-reading mofo's).
I bet they still use outhouses where they live..

O: What the hell was yall crackas thinkin! Do do you regret hiring a skripper?

Ignant mammy: No..I'm just mad we got caught..
Ignant pappy: Welp Oprah..some partsa me was fo' it and some parts was 'gainst it

*crowd chuckles*

O: Now you know you done fukked up right? You know that? You know you done fukked up?...The skripper got naked and rub her genitals *gasp* against the boys..

O: I don't understand this shit. This is some
fucked up repugnant shit..Dr. Joyce..please help me to understand
before I smack this bitch. She keep starin' at me like she want WAR!
You better tell her..Ms. O don't play dat!..Uh unh(*sucks teeth and chicken necks*)

Dr. J: You love your kids right? I can tell you do..

Ignant Mammy: Yes I do..I didn't watch the act...just the boys did..

Dr.J: Bit-c...Ahhh (*restrains self*)...You tellin' me the skripper wasn't
good for adults to watch, but 16 year old gi--err boy's to watch?!. You smoking that
sticky icky aintya bitch?

Ignant Pappy: Well, she was depressed at the time..me too. I had to cook all the meals, and take
time off from work..You can't leave 16 year old's unsupervised for too long..

Oprah: *mumbles* Oh no he didn't just say...I give up

Dr. J: *gives up and blames incident on American culture*

O: *agrees with Dr.J*

Next Tuesday: This white man said we ALL bout to die yall! Missles, Bird Flu..all that good shit. Watch or DIE BITCHES!

The idiots are out of hibernation

2006-01-17T19:45:00.000-05:00

It was back to college for my black ass today. Today was the first day of my Spring semester after a long break (May-today). And if today was any indication of what's to come, I really am not looking forward to the semester. But yes, The fucking idiots are out of hibernation (not including me *wink*). But you wanna know why I say that? (If you don't-fuck you)..Here's why:

So I'm sitting in my first class today at 9:30 (Abnormal Psych) of about 100 people. Big ass lecture hall. My community college ass isn't used to large lecture halls like this. I thought it was gonna be about 40 people. But anywhooo...I promptly found a seat in the back, pulled out my notebook, and tried to pay attention. So the professor starts going on and on and on about the usual bullshit: "My name is blah blah, I'm smarter than you are blah blah, I have this and blah blah that degree from said shitty university, I am old and my hearing is going could you speak up blah blah, syllabus blah blah BLAH"

So she starts the chapter and she asks the class to write down 3 traits of what is normal, seeing as though this is abnormal psych. What she really wanted was to feel out the percentage of idiots in her class. There is many. So idiot after idiot raises their hands and spits random crap.

Idiot #1: able to hold down a job (*blank stare*)
Idiot #2: open minded (We'll come back to this idiot..)
Idiot #3: ability to reason( that wasn't too idiotic because that's one I wrote down)
Idiot #4: An individualistic perception of what is normal (theres always that one psuedo-intellectual that has to turn the tables in order to make himself look smart, but ends up making himself look like a--you guessed it--IDIOT!)

So we stop the exercise and she makes all the left-handed kids come up to the front. "Are they normal?" she asks...I'm thinking "Yea left-handed people are normal" because I know the professor bitch is going to try some slick shit. But of course there were idiots who said left-handers are not normal(*rolls eyes*) Next, she goes down the idiot list of "What is normal" and asks the students who volunteered their answers for explanations. I told you she was going to try some slick shit!

Professor bitch: *Points out unemployed left-hander*.."Is she normal? She isn't employed.."
Idiot #1: Uhh..ummm..uhh..Well, I was talking about people who aren't mentally able to work..
PB: Well, I have patients who are schizophrenic who can hold down a job..
Idiot #1: *DEFEATED*

PB: Idiot number 2. Why aren't abnormal people open-minded?
Idiot #2: Uhh..umm...Because they don't like to rationalize?..
PB: Well, "rationalize" and "open-minded" are not the same thing (they really aren't)
Idiot#2: Well, I work in a hospital and they(crazy ass patients) don't like to do what you tell them
PB: So what does open-minded mean?
Idiot#2: *stares straight ahead for 2 fucking minutes (I kid you not!) in awkward silence*
PB: *FLAWLESS VICTORY!*

Accoriding to Webster's Dictionary:

Main Entry: open-mind·ed

Pronunciation: "O-p&n-'mIn-d&d

Function: adjective

: receptive to arguments or ideas
- open-mind·ed·ly adverb
- open-mind·ed·ness noun

This bitch sat and said NOTHING! It made me want to get up, walk across the room and smack the Optimum perm out of that bitch's head. Make something up! Say "Ummmmm"..Or how the standard "I don't know"..idiot response UGH. College is not fucking elementary school people. If you have the ta-ta's to raise your hand in a class of 100 people and say something even remotely intelligent, please have the knowledge to back it up. Do NOT just sit there and look stupid. There aren't many black people in that class and that dumb broad just set off the semester on the wrong foot.

Question: Black people. Why O' why must you insist upon sitting next to every other black person in a class full of white folks? Why you got this row looking like the black kids table at Crackaville, USA Highschool at lunch time? I don't know yo' ass! And no I won't take notes for yo' ass when you decide not to come to class. Spread out people! You won't get lighter if you sit next to a person of a different ethnicity...Damn! Besides, your Sulfur 8 grease is making me nauseaous..

There's nothing about Remy

2006-01-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

There's something about Remy...

That reminds me of Thanksgiving..OOOooooOOh I remember..the smell of honey glazed H.A.M! (H.A.M never gets old to me..hilarity..lol)

Remy Mother at her album listening party for There's Something About Remy: Based on a True Story

YOU.

LOOK.

A MESS!

And lets not forget the cake yall....

I kid you not. When I first took a gander at it, I thought it was Star Jones sprawled across that masterpiece of a cake. YUCK! Wrap me a piece in foil, I'll take it home for later....

rest of the pics..

P.S- I'm alwaaays tweaking my posts..Adding shit, taking shit away, changing punctuation; pretty much whenever I find something interesting or is well deserving of a good helping of ether, i'll add it. And if Blogger acts up I have to do the post all over again (arrrgggH!)..This blog is ever evolving So if you see something one minute and don't see it the next, you're not crazy..lol. It's just me 'tweaking'. Yall have a good evenin' now..
*tips hat*

Destiny's Orphans

2006-01-13T15:14:00.000-05:00

So my lazy ass is channel surfing one day and stop at VH1 Soul to see a new video. I thought to myself "Hmmm, they seem eerily familiar. Where o' where have I seen them before?".....

....Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Their single "Rock-a-Bye" is kinda cute and catchy... I waited for the end credits half expecting their group name to be "Destiny's Abortion", but to my dismay they call themselves "Black Buddafly"

Buddafly?!?..smh. That sounds like it could be the name of Mimi's next album..

*SIGH* Black people. Listen and listen well. We've got to stop misspelling words for the sake of coolness..Cmon now..think about it..What if Beyonce took a break from outshining Kelly and said.."OoooOoo OOoo I know what we should call the group: Destiny's Chirrens!"

Not good. Not good at all.

I see they're signed to Def Jam..Looks like Hovi Baby is looking for some Destiny's Clones to bring the bacon home; seeing as though What'sherface-Mari and Rhiahhwhat'sthatgirlsname faded to black quicker than Crunchy Black at midnight.

In other news..

--Case of the 20 year old Jesus Juice:

January 12, 2006,
*A 20-year-old man has filed a civil lawsuit in California against Michael Jackson claiming the pop star sexually molested him on different occasions between the ages of two and 14.

read the rest...

--J-Hood Loses house in fire

PSA: Ignant ass rap niccas, please wait at least 2mths before you make this a punchline

2006-01-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

OH.

MY.

GAWD!

Star Jones at a book signing for her new book entitled "Shine: Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love" (muffled laughter)..This is definitely not a good look (As if she ever was)..But she's beginning to look downright scary, like an anorexic cow. Please don't loose anymore weight Star- for your sake and Al's homosexuality as well.

Now you knooow.....

Pretty self explanatory..Swizz Beats wifey..But is it me or does Mashonda look just a few shades lighter here as a child. Maybe she got that reverse vitiligo..Mike Jack need to holla at her.

The following is a condition i've dubbed: Ashy Lipped Negro Syndrome (ALNS).

Cracky mate!!! Just observe the mildly talented studio gangstas and crack fiends glare at the camera so menacingly. Be very cautious, they will attack if provoked with just the mere mention or sight of Chap Stick or petroleum jelly.

What could possibly be on Bobbay's mind?--Hmm..I'll take a stab at it.

.:*Jeopardy Music*:.

What is CRACK ROCKS for 500 Alex!
Cor-Rect!

CVS Generic Brand Hov and Bey

And I don't wanna hear "aww...they look cute Takeitoutside"..I know that nigglet! But it's my job to hate yaheardmeh?

Smile for me Fabby...

If you can't beat em join em'. I personally don't like the grilled up look AT ALL. Fab should have just got that Jerome yuckmouth some veneers or something. But whatever's clever. I still love you Fab, just stay away from the powdered donuts(*whispers* and crack)

A blast from the gully past

And yet another victim of ALNS. Drag-on looks like a little puppy dog orphan all by himself in the corner. He's just itching to scream:" Where my daaawwgs at?!!!!!" (On crack..smh. Come back to us DMX!)

A breath of fresh air

[image via ybf]

Lauryn Hill photo spread in the upcoming Feb issue of Essence looking fab-U-lous. Hopefully this year's music from L-Boog will be just as fab..

P.S. Apparently my blog has been dubbed a "spam blog" by Blogger and now I have this stupid ass word verification everytime I do a new post. UGH. Let me be the first to say. If you are offended by my blog, a few cuss words (well a lot) and what I post..Tough shit. Wipe the similac from your chin, change your shitty diaper, and grow the fuck up.

If you don't like it, don't click here. For all those that do enjoy my brash style of humor keep clicking because I'm gonna keep posting :)

You shol' is uuuugly!

2006-01-08T22:43:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist folks..but doesn't that sound like what's runnin' through Meagan Goode's mind??

Sprinkle some haterade (Caption away!!)

I seriously feel like crap...

2006-01-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

Right about now, so I won't be making any new posts for a few days..I know I know..It sucks..But I will be back very soon!

Shout out to all my loyal readers--love ya! :)

I ain't one to gossip...

2006-01-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

But if they don't do it..what will I have to hate on??

We're gonna start this post off nice and slow, but then we gonna get nice and hateful..

--Rev Run and family at New Year's 2006 in New York City - MTV New Year's Bash
Awww..They are such a good looking family. I certainly can't hate on that..

--Looks like BIG RUEB is back and he's dropped some weight..Keep up the good work and maybe you can get rid of that towel bruvva..

Aight, Enough with that gooey gooey gumdrop shit....lets get HATEFUL shall we..

--Ummm..I done forgot where I came across this pic, but seriously. Look like Miss Celie in drag with a little twang of Grace Jones. And what's really swell with the Golden Child hat? Take out your calculators class:

--Ciara!, GET YO' ASS UP OFF THAT DAMN FLOOR. Humpin and pumpin like you gettin' banged out doggystyle (Bow Wow style that is...lol) Didn't mama teach you no home trainin' chile?!.. GET YO' ASS UP. [ Bernie ] Immeeegiately [ / Mac ]

--Poor fucking kid. And please tell me why this strumpet is even famous? Let's hope he will end up like his father. For the sake of Brit's career..

Caption this pic

--Seems like black womens can't get enough of that sweet tender white meat. Robin Thicke, Gabrielle Union and Sanaa Lathan look like they sippin on that lean while they get they lean on. And I'm mad at Robin Thicke. That's one corn fed ass white boy I'd consider fucking, pre-haircut. Now he just looks like a corn fed ass white boy making wack ass songs with Skateboard P..I'm disgusted.

The ambiguously gay duo strikes again. This is fucking disgusting folks. Put on a sarong, beach towel, curtain? something bitch!. Don'tnobodywannaseealladat! [image via Concreteloop]

--And last but not certainly least, we have Nik of ANTM and Lil "ooglyassstankbreafcockeyed" John both from the ATL shaaawty at the New Year's 2006 in Miami Beach - Lil Jon, "The King of Crunk" After Party ..And Fresh is right. Nik look like got her "puff puff give" on something fierce THAT AIN'T CUTE!

HAPPY 2006!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

Hello you drunk motherfuckers you!...So today is officially 2006 and I thought 05' would never end. It's been one of the hardest years i've ever had to endure and I'm thankful that i'm still alive and well.

Now, I know you all have your drunken stories of sloth, hedonism and fornicaton. But lemme tell you about mine..For the past 5 years Takeitoutside has shared a quiet evening at home with family (Takeitoutside loves her fam)..I never go out and party at dingy ass clubs with hoodrats and clowns. I'm a homebody and I don't drink too often. So why was this year to be any different? It really wasn't except for one fact. I got drunk..I mean REEEEEAALLLY drunk. The plan was for me and the b/f to get a room and have lots of sex right... We've been together for what seems like forever (6 years) and we've never spent New Years together if you can believe it. So this year I really wanted to be with him...But the plan fell through. Last minute nigga stuff..you understand right? So while I waited from my b/f to call me back with the verdict I ended up at home making trays of orderves (yes "orderves" I know that ain't right nigga, please correct my ignant ass..lol); cheese, pepperoni, and olives on one tray and a fruit tray with apples, oranges, all that good shit. I hooked up a chocolate cake. And last but not least some beef quesadillas.

MMmm mmMM BITCH indeed.

But back to the story. 15 minutes till another year of Dubya as President and my b/f still hasn't called.. I was livid, concerned, and turned on all at the same time. The clock strikes 12a.m., Dick Clark kisses some white lady, and I'm toasting with mom dukes, lil brother & sis.

Mixed with a range of emotions and exhausted from the day, somewhere along the line I got the bright idea that drinking an entire bottle of Merlot would be beneficial to my health and well-being, so I began to chug. And chug. And chug. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. The little drunk that could.

Soon I forgot all about how mad I was inebriated to the point of no return. By 1.a.m i've assaulted my little sis with a butterknife, called around for my b/f and found out where he was (fireworks), and I'm pooped. I go to sleep. Around 4:26 a.m I awoke to the sound of my b/f's C.R.E.A.M ringtone. He tells me that he's coming over. I literally crawl out of bed to the bathroom and immediately start urling..Dis.gust.ing. The b/f gets to my house with friends, and to my surprise. He's urling too. Bright orange gook all over the parking lot. AWWWWwww. How lovely? We give eachother a New Years kiss. We are drunk. We are so cayute!

*violins*

Moral of the story: It's moments like these that remind me why I fell in love with him. I didn't care that we weren't together at 12 a.m exactly. I'm just happy that he's still here with me, and will hopefully always be. And plan ahead kids. All of this could've been avoided had we'd planned ahead. Gotta limit those nigga moments.

My future womb snatchers will watch Wonder Showzen

2005-12-27T15:54:00.000-05:00

No, they will NOT be buttfucked on a dark street while learning the way to gay ass Sesame Street...

Nor, will they be filled with mindless babble from huge assed puppets or sex offending dinosaurs

DING DING DING!!! They will gather all they need to know about the world from one show..

WONDER SHOWZEN will be my chirren's learning tool that reinforces the reality of this fucked up world. I wish someone would have turned off the duet with Aaron Neville and Ernie, sat my dumb ass down, and said:

" You WILL be fucked up one day."

Point black. Even if you aren't a child I believe you will take something valuable from this...this..Sesame Street on acid..

They will emerge from the sticky carpet spot in front of the tube an enlightened child having learned about:

Anorexia

Segregation

Global Politics

Patience

and most importantly Racism...

Don't believe the hype?..here's a few more clips

"Baby's come from carelessness"

"When did you first learn that Jesus was black?"

"Clarence goes to Harlem"

Who did you exploit on Wallstreet today?

Ah yes, the inquiring mind of a child. Let's not ignore it. Takeitoutside luh duh kiiiids.Wonder Showzen comes on MTV2 on Saturdays around 1a.m EST. (last time I checked)..And the 2nd season starts in March!

It's a celebration BITCHES!--(a Christmas celebration)

2005-12-27T12:37:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but hey what can I say? I'm a lazy bitch sometimes. And Christmas kept me kinda sorta busy. But don't worry coons and coonettes..I got you covered. I'm filled with perpelexing questions and unadulterated hate served chilled--just like you like it :)

So how were my few but faithful readers Christmas'?

Me?...myself personally...I couldn't wait for it to be over. Seeing as though I'm not working at the moment, I didn't have money to buy anyone gifts. It sucks to be me (*sad face*).My mom bought me Mary's "The Breakthrough" a sewing machine. Yes I asked for a sewing machine! I've always wanted one. I'm gonna start working on some pieces for the summer--screw a $34 denim skirt at some crackety cracker girl store when I can make it myself--Yaaameeaan?! Anywaaaays, a few of my loud ass family members came over for din-din, and boy was it a sight to see. Prime rib roast gone in 5 minutes flat..2 Turkeys left unscathed, and my punk ass didn't even get a second helping. No mercy I tells ya. My family just don't givafuck.

Question?: Why must greedy ass family members take plates home when they haven't even finished what's on their plate to begin with?

FUNK DAT!

There's something about Remy...

2005-12-22T16:09:00.000-05:00

That makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

"Mirrraaaculous..Phenomenal" These are the two words that come to mind when Remy Ma's-Conceited video flashes on my tv screen.. Not because it's a stunning work of "hip pop" art, or because Remy's braggadocious swagger about a lifestyle that I could only dream to have makes me feel like a mere peon amongst two-tone haired amazons...No, these words are the only thing I can pull out of my ass to begin to understand how she could even let the words "Conceited" escape from her lips..Remy Mother, how're you gonna call yourself conceited when all the girls in the video look 374935689348347936548374^10 better than you? Doesn't that picture look like is missing a airbrushed Benz for the backround and two hoodrats flanking Remy on each side, donned with old ass fingerwaves, "RIP B-Rock" tatooes on their tits, and flashing gold teeth. This shit has got to stop.

Conceited??--methinksnot.

On a more positive note..

--SHE'S BA--AAAACK...L-Boog on the cover of upcoming Feb issue of Essence. She looks downright fabulous...

Quick post:

2005-12-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

Is it JUST me or..

Does Trey Songz....

Make the ugliest faces

EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??
Of course it's not me. He isn't an ugly bruva, but damn son! Stop straining so hard!. And for the love of my corneas would somebody please get this dingy wife-beater wearing, 115lb's soaking wet, crust bucket "I just rolled outta bed" looking ass bruva a stylist. STAT!

(Disclaimer: excuse the alien-esque quality of the 1st 2 pics..I took em with my camera phone-but you get the point right?lol)

In other news...

--Zoe Kravitz, 16 year old daughter of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet, apparently is a down ass bitch who ain't afraid to take a fowty ounce Olde-E to the head..YA'MEEEEEAAAAN??!? Straight Street!

[Images via Concreteloop]

Daddy betta take a break from applying the ultra perm to break out the studded belt on babygirl

--Shar Jackson, better known as Niecy from Moesha to black folk, and Kevin Fredertrash's "B-Ay!-B-Y-M-Ay!-M-Ay!" to white folk looks a tad remedial here(just a tad). I heard she's coming out with her own reality show. Let's hope it's not a bitch fest and K-Fed comes to visit the chirren and inadvertantly sleeps with Shar. And Shar honey, please put Britney's child support money to good use and splurge on a new wardrobe, shall we?

Negros and Negrettes, gather round for PSA:

--Uh oh..I see Bun-B wearing a Pink Panther shirt in Beyonce's Check On It video. This means we're in for an impending epidemic of ignant' ass rappers, wiggas/wiggettes, drug boys and B2K-esque thug posers rockin em' for the winter--(word to Bird Flu!). Well, let moi be the first to say: YOU ARE WACK. If you are not Camron Giles , a member of Dipset, or Kanye 'A Metrosexual's dream' West you should be smacked upon the crown of your skull immediately--with extreme blunt force for wearing anything affilated with the Pink Pather. I don't care where you are: the mall, the club, supermarket, hospital.. STOP THE MADNESS.

Newsflash Heffa: You ARE black!

2005-12-17T22:33:00.000-05:00

So I was watching the Tyra Show one day last week and the topic was about people who dislike their race, heritage, where they came from...Basically, a couple self-hating women who don't like themselves... Don't like:

--The fact they are black
--Their skin color
--Hair
--Nose
--Heritage
--Breast
--Black men
--Butt
--Name

I was as shocked as any black woman would be. There is absolutely no possible way I can empathize or relate to this bitch in any way

(Disclaimer: you will see the word "bitch" numerous times in this post, kindly guide your children away from the monitor)

..Picture this self-hating bitch:

Yes...this bitch. Plopping her fat ass on stage, on national televison denying the fact that she is black. This bitch "Shelly Williams"spewed among a bunch of other complete and utter nonsense that:

1) She want's to change her name "because it's too ghetto."
2) She will only work, and eat with white folks.
3) She wants to get a breast & butt reduction, and nose job to look more "white."
4) Martin Luther King never did anything to benefit her.

Just "wow" right? I bet her mother and father are gloating with pride..Can I get a collective

"HOE SIT DOWN!!"
from the audience?...........

Thank you.

I don't even want to give this bitch any shine by putting her on my blog, but she needs to be put on blast. There was also another self-hating bizzatch that didn't want her kids to have "nappy hair" or to be dark-skinned, so she married an asian man. But Shelly Williams appalled me the most...

What do you mean Martin Luther King never did anything to benefit you?! Bitch do you realize the struggle and strife our ancestors went through to even allow you to even sit your ignorant ass up there and even speak out the side of your mouth?! read?!go to school?! get a job?! vote?!

If Dave Chappelle's "Racial Draft" skit was a reality..this bitch would be a 1st round draft pick. No--scratch that, I doubt that even the craziest of white folks would want the equivalent of Clayton Bigsby:

Black people already have our work cut out for us as a whole. We don't need bitches like her bringing us down even more...

2005-12-15T12:55:00.000-05:00

Just a few things...

--What it do baby?!..You'd think with all that money Paul Wall invested in his grill he'd set some aside for wifey . Apparently she's in a group named "Velvet Ice" (ummmm..) They don't sound half bad, but they could stand to look a LOT better -[ Cake and Ice-Cream]

--Gwen Stefani preggers? If so she can send those damn harajuku girls home now-[ Perezhilton]

--Jodie Watley(yea remember her..) done pulled a Vivica and went and got some plastic surgery -[ Concreteloop].

--Amerie cut her hair..It's cute, but I hope she just pinned it up or something. (I'm copying for Christmas!)

Yea I'm skinny--So what the prollem is?!?

2005-12-14T20:34:00.000-05:00

So yea, I'm skinny..always have been, and will probably (crosses fingers) always be. Takeitoutside is 115 lbs at 5'5". And can wear a size 0-3/4 depending on the fit. I remember getting teased for my weight in school. To this day I still get:

-Do you eat?

-Are you anorexic--bulimic?!?

"No bitch!--Is my name Lindsay Lohan? Nicole Ritchie?!"

Hilary Duff?

No. it is not.

Now, that's would Takeitoutside would like to say to these assuming cunts..but that wouldn't be very nice of Takeitoutside--now would it?. Instead, I simply give a fake *yuckyuck* laugh, and go about my merry way. Sure sometimes I would like to put on a few extra pounds in the ass region..but why? I'm happy with myself, like I believe everyone should be. I don't think: "Curse those fat bitches for having all that ass..THEY ARE E'VIiiL". And recently, I've tried to be as nonjudgemental as possible when it comes to first sight reactions (trust me it's hard). So when i'm browsing the net one day for a cheesy ghetto love book to fly through, and come across THIS, all that nonjudgemental crap went out the window. Now Monique is a funny woman..no doubt. Ashamed to admit it, but I get a kick out of the negrofest that is The Parkers. But Takeitoutside wasn't feeling this book one bit. And to make matters more complicated, the site included an excerpt. How delightful :) My thoughts are in purple

SKINNY BITCHES. (Hunh?!*confused look*)

Yes, you read right. (Oh see this hoe trippin'..)

And skinny bitches know who they are. If your dress size is in the single digits, chances are I'm talking to you(furrows eyebrow). You're evil and need to be destroyed.(what?! this fat bii--) I know because for years, I thought they were my friends, but as time rolled on, it soon became clear that these evil bitches didn't give a damn about my feelings. It was always all about them. Well, not if we destroy them, or perhaps trick them with a one-day all-you-can-eat salad special, round them up, and ship their tiny asses off to a sandy island with nothing green on it, just wall-to-wall fried chicken and fast food. That shit would drive them as crazy as they make me and other BIG girls.(done lost her mind)

Now see, this is that bull. I tried to be cordial, but now it's time to attack fat. Do I come over there and smack the Cheesenormous, Eggnormous, Meatnormous Burger King breakfast sammich out your paw Monique?! No. You have it your way. All skinny bishes don't live off ruffage and brown rice (I will eat you out of house and home if you let me). Just like all fat women don't eat the entire Wing Shing buffet. I know obesity can stem from genetics. And Just because Takeitoutside happens to be skinny--doesn't mean she's healthy(I really wasn't this past summer *sad face*).

Your body is your responsibility. Making a book about your personal dislike for skinny women will not lower your cholesterol by 50 points nor move you to the left of the BMI chart. Skinny women aren't the only creatures on earth who ridicule fat women. Why not name the book "All skinny men are evil" or "All children are evil" or maybe even "McDonalds is evil"? Any would suffice. You may even have yourself a winner with the last title MoMo. Morgan Spurlock did.

I don't buy into "I'm big, beautiful, and happy" facade that some unhealthy fat women use to convince the world they don't feel like crap. If it was true and you sincerely didn''t give a blue fuck what anyone thinks about you; Why throw it in my face? And while MoMo's intention was to make skinny bitches mad and fat bitches gloat with pride. The point is...

ALL SKINNY WOMEN ARE NOT EVIL!

Beyonce...please stop talking

2005-12-13T11:00:00.000-05:00

12*13*05

Remember those rumors last week of Bigga making it official..Now Beyonce is denying them (typical Hollywood propaganda..pfft!). Honey basically said "Ain't no ring on this finga!".You can read the deny fest here; but while I'm reading through it..I notice one of the dumbest things she's ever--Well read it for yourself:

"I had True Star originally," she said. "And it was a reflection of my true self, of Beyonce. It was really private, and not overbearing. And this is True Star Gold. Gold is my favorite color, and it, basically, is a reflection of 'Sasha,' who is my personality on the stage. You can see in all the ads: I have the hair blowin', the fierce makeup, the smoky eyes, the mic. It's more sexy. It's more outgoing. It's the type of fragrance you would wear if you had a hot date or you're going out, having a 'Sex and the City' night with your girlfriends."

--Question. Why does it sound like B just learned how to speak english and hasn't yet realized fragments aren't quite sentences? (And don't point out my grammatical errors suckas! lol)
--Question. Does Jay-Z know this "Sasha" character?

It sounds like answers to a kindergarten questionnaire..

What's your favorite color?--Gold!!. How old are you?--Dis' many!!!

I like Beyonce, I really do..But I really have a hard time accepting these plugs from celebs on their "fragrances". Personally, all that sheit smells pretty much the same to me--like crap. So keep singing Beyonce. Yes, you are a True Star.

In other news..

--T.O. celebrated his 32nd (I believe so..if not who cares?) birthday last night at the 40/40 Club in Atlantic City..

I don't know who this negro is, but he looks nice in that suede burgundy suit (can't believe I just said that)

Clinton Portis goes with the Kanyeester Metro-sexual look..Auditioning for a Gap commercial are we Portis?..Lets not.

And if you care to see the other's..here ya go. I think my work is done for the day..

Takeitoutside's "Most Annoying People of 05" List

2005-12-12T13:07:00.000-05:00

12*11*05

Uno.

Ahhh yes..The ever prevalent, yet annoyingly, blantantly ambiguously gay (well Al anyway) duo. They even have a fucking website.. I'm convinced celebs are the dumbest people on earth. Star dropped a ton of weight. Was it gastric bypass? If it wasn't....Sheeeiiit it had to be. Everytime I'm cursed with a photo of these two, Star just looks more and more like a bag of flour--Justa' saggin like it's nobody's business; and her neck looks like it's begging for mercy. Star take a tip from Tyra and cop a dramatic wonder bra. Nobody wants to see those pancake titties.

Dos.

You ARE Annoying!--Not the show..*points* YOU. I mean how could you not love the show with moments like these. Maury just shut up and read the damn test. Dontcha' just get tired of Maury coddling these wome--err sluts backstage? "It was an honest mistake..we can test more." :( Maury--she's been on the show 15 times already!! STOP IT! She said she was "2,500% sure" he's her baby's daddy. Why comfort her? Saver no saving! And Maury for the love of unprotected sex..Please put some clothes on these fat kids before they come out on your stage. Just cause they're fat doesn't mean Forman Mills doesn't have a Juniors section.

Tres.

Who? MIKE JOOOONES...........................Is annoying. They'll give any nigga with a repetitive hook and gimmick a record deal these days. And hell no I didn't call that number. If you did, shame on you! And why does his wavecap looks like it reeks of mildew and sour cottage cheese..YUCK B!

Quatro.

Yes I loved Vanilla Sky. Yes I loved Interview With a Vampire(Brad Pitt was hotter). But Tom..What's really happ'n dude? This year you've managed to assault Oprah on her own show, drop Science (Scientology that is) on Matt Lauer's "glib" head, spit hot ether at Brooke Shields and her womb, hold Katie Holmes hostage;get her preggers; and give her that Ron Mexico, get sprayed in the face with a water gun, and have a hit blockbuster. You are a media machine! But you are ANNOYING. Although you are a middle aged white man, I think this warrants a "HOE SIT DOWN"

Cinco.

Ugh, Most Annoying Hall of Famer for me...The "Ar-ah" got pepper sprayed by a nigga named Ty Ty, made the "Trapped In The Closet" soap opera, and got booed for a steppers rendition of the National Anthem..HOE SIT DOWN

Not so great weekend..

2005-12-10T18:21:00.000-05:00

12*10*05

--(CNN) -- Just days after his 65th birthday, groundbreaking comedian Richard Pryor died Saturday of a heart attack, his wife told CNN.

Pryor, who had been ill with multiple sclerosis, died at Encino Hospital near Los Angeles at 7:58 a.m. PT. Jennifer Lee Pryor tried to revive him at their home before paramedics arrived and took him to the hospital, she said.

read the rest..

--Remember Calogero from a Bronx tale?..Well apparently he was involved in a burglary that resulted in the murder of a New York Police officer. Read the rest on CNN

No Sonny around to pull you out of the car this time..smh

Nokia commercials = Gift from the devil

2005-12-09T17:41:00.000-05:00

12*9*05

So I was a little lost on what to post today until I sat to watch television. Upon my sloth fest of cheese doodles and Pepsi, Nokia decides it would be a good idea to attack my aural and optical nerves with thee worst commercials I have ever been witness to in my entire life! Worse than:

The creepy ass rapist-esque King. And is that a dookie chain?

and:

The ignant', stereotypical Sprite doll that chases Lebron James.

No, far worse than that..I had to deal with THIS:

and this:

Yikes!! That's too much ugly/tardness for one day.. For the love of Geico commercials..Why hath Nokia forsaken us with this nonsense? I'd rather watch that fake ass Destiny's Child Walmart commercial. You know damn well Beyonce never shopped at a damn Walmart (Michelle perhaps)..But at least it looks like they care..

See:

Instead they show me how much people love their shitty Nokia cell phones?! I don't giveafuuuuck about Cletus' favorite ringtone..Nor do I care about how much of a slut you are that you have to delete every guy's phone number after you've contracted a VD from him. And besides, I have a Samsung. My remote control mute button is almost broken because of the "disgust" signal my brain sends to my thumb. I know I'm not the only one who hates these goddamn commercials. I'm fed up and I'm not going to take it anymore! If you haven't seen it. HERE THEY ARE..I shouldn't be the only one to suffer. Consider it an early Christmas gift. From me to you--AY!

Top Model (Tyra you know you done fucked up right?!)

2005-12-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

12*8*05

How 'bout that Top Model. Four Four expressed my sentiments exactly

"Nobody touches the dooooooOOOO!"

--Tyra Tyra Tyra..Where to begin. I'm almost more appalled at the hair than the final decision itself. Channeling Lucille Ball are we? Lets not Tyra.

Nik got robbed like a lost white person in the city, but I think she'll still come out better than Nicole just based on the fact that she got robbed!

I was so pissed last night (yes over a reality show bishes!) It was heart breaking. I'm not even going to throw in the race card. It was all about who performed the best. And I do NOT think Nicole was the best.. Though Nicole was a *sigh* pretty girl..Nik and Bre were eons past her in the picture and performance dept. Did you see Nicole walk down the runway. Booorrring. Nik was fier-yarce the entire show. Her commercial was on point, she didn't need her lines fed to her *sigh*. I'm too through with it now..Moving oooooooon. Tyra ya dead wrong!

P.S- As you can see I got rid of that standard template..You likes? I know I do

So many events..so much time to hate

2005-12-07T11:40:00.000-05:00

Big in O5' Awards

I saw some of this tragedy. If you didn't watch it, good for you. A bunch of B and C list celebs, has beens, and crackheads handing out awards for dumb shit that happened in 2005. I used to like DL Hughley, but now that negro is just so corny I don't know whether to laugh or to butter his ass and pop him in the microwave. The little bit I saw was trashy and downright embarrasing. I cringed the entire time. But who fucking cares right?.. The only thing I enjoy about them are the photos afterwards so lets get to the hating, shall we..

**Now see..that's just not right. This motherfucker has on a flannel, FLANNEL?! fucking jacket with some shades from Eckerds he picked up along with his Preparation H. Well, then again it's B.Brown. It's his perogative! (to smoke crack before an awards show)

**I feel bad for Brooke Hogan. Reasons being:

1) Daddy Hogan will present a challenge to any b/f she has. Thus giving said b/f incentive to smut her out.."Dude, she's the Hulks daughter, I'm gonna hit that shit!!"
2) She's huge. And she looks like Quagmire from Family guy
3) She want's to be a singer *audience "awwwwws"* BUT she sucks. We don't want another Ashley Simpson..NoooOOOOooooOO!

As for Adrian Currey...Is she from New Jersey? She reminds me of those cigarette smoking white chicks I used to take class with at county college (Yes I went to county college first bitches!--problem??)

hahahahahaha..

---------------------------------------HATE!--------------------------------------------------

--Next up we have the 2005 Billboard Music Awards

**Ugly Ricky look like they haven't washed in 4 fucking days..Threw on a suit and said "We here nigga!"--TRIFLIN'!

**Everybody has that fat friend

**Lil Nasty funky ass John (why is he still relevant?)

Pharrell Williams aka "Skateboard P" thinks it's cool to pose like a "gangster rapper" and show his "bling bling". Listen to me negro: YOU are a CORNBALL!

Nick Cannon..Nick Cannon. Why o' Why is you such a CORNBALL?!

Ugh..my vagina got dry just looking at those photos..

**Gwen Stefani looks different..dontcha' think? (Only she can pull shit like that off)

---------------------------------------HATE!--------------------------------------------------

And Lastly we have the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

I DID watch this last night. And My Oh My was it hot from start to finish. The stage was so purty.. I can't even hate on the ladies. I started to call the other half so he could self induce expulsion of his reproductive bodiy fluids, but ruled against it. More man juice for me..YAY!

Yes! All hail Queen Tyra Banks. She was the thickest one there..Fuck them skinny hoes (though I'm a skinny hoe..go figure) It was her very last show and I was fighting back tears (not really..but ya' know). But overall, these were some hot ass hoes. See:

**Seal and Heidi did the damn thing
**Selita Ebanks is HOT
**This was my favorite outfit
**Crazy ass Naomi is HOT
**Adriana "I can't keep my mouth closed" Lima is HOT

If you didn't know any better you'd think I was a lesbian--NOT!. But I do love fashion and appreciate a good show..

Wait!..I can hate on one thing: Ricky Martin gave the shittiest performance of all times. As if he wasn't shittay enough. He got up there, and proceeded to *yawn* the crowd with his out of breathe, off the beat dancing, velveeta cheesy ASS. Say it with me class--CHEESEBALL! If it wasn't for the ladies he may very well have melted and ruined the lovely stage..

In other news:

Brittany and K-Freeloader breaking up? Oh, no my achy breaky heart :(

Foxy Brown fires her attorney for speaking to the media about hearing loss- Can you hear me now?..Good

"a-bib-bib-bib-bib..That's all folks"

Angelina Jolie is a pimp in beautiful disguise

2005-12-06T18:57:00.000-05:00

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Brad Pitt is seeking to become the adoptive father of Angelina Jolie's children, the actor's publicist announced Friday.

A legal petition seeking to change the names of the children to Zahara Jolie-Pitt and Maddox Jolie-Pitt was filed Friday in Los Angeles, publicist Cindy Guagenti said in a written statement to The Associated Press.

"We are confirming that Brad Pitt is in the process of becoming the adoptive father of both children," the statement said. "No further comment is being made."

see the rest..

But here's my take on the whole situation:

Why was he even with her? She's a dog.. You know you really suck when your man is hotter than you are. It was only the inevitable that Angelina raided his penis..He's [Zoolander] Extremely good looking [Blue Steel].

If I were a carpetmuncher, I'd hit it...But I'm not. I happen to be very fond of dick, and dick-- very fond of me (BUT I still think Angelina's hot!). So what does that say? If you can't beat em' join em'. Go lesbo Jennifer, for your dignity and your career.

Go Team Brangelina!

White girls: STOP FUCKING CRYING!

2005-12-05T17:12:00.000-05:00

Lets start from the beginning...

Saturday I had to take a placement test for math before I register for my classes (my previous math courses didn't transfer to the college..ugh) First off, it was as cold as begibbins, and I was in a shitty mood. And trust me dears: Takeitoutside in shitty mood ¹ "happiness to see me". And to top off the ass biting cold, I was rushing and didn't eat anything. Again folks, a hungry Takeitoutside ¹" smile when you see me". I'm liable to bite your ear off and sprinkle some Sazon on it-- Tyson style!

Now, I finally make it to the campus with 5 minutes to spare before the test begins. I find it rather quickly, get all my documents and find a seat in the back. Now the Dean starts to speak, about "filling out the scantron sheet, blah blah, signatures, blah blah majors..blah"
for twenty fucking minutes. She talked about nothing for 20 minutes! Pissed me off even more. So we finally begin the test. Did I mention I hate math btw? Well I do. Anyways..I'm trudging along and get pass the Computation section. Next up Algebra...no big deal. I get 1/4 of the way and she calls "Time!"..WTF? I wasn't even done. That wasted 20 minutes fucked me up big time. I crumble up my papers and fill out a few signature papers. And say "fuck it..I'll test out on the first day."

As I'm walking out the class I hear a whimper **whimpwhimp** I turn to see what I thought was a lost Yorkshire Terrier. Instead..I found a rather distraught white girl--crying. It was only a placement test?! I tried to empathize with her. Perhaps she's a senior or something..But wait, no---FUCK THAT. I cannot tolerate crying! Everytime I turn on the television, there's a white girl--crying. I turn on:

Maury: White girl--crying and accusing ignant negro of being her "baby's daddy"
The news: White girl--crying over stolen Christmas decorations
Oprah: White women--crying when Oprah serves up the latest cashmere sweaters

I repeat, White girls: "STOP FUCKING CRYING!"

Life is one big bowl of misery with milk fulls of hot sweaty man juice in between..Eat your goddamn Wheaties and stop thee madness!

The Dean finally comes out to console her and coddle her (I sure as hell wasn't) Where was the dean when I was hungry, tired, cold?-Nowhere. And I didn't cry. So please ladies, save back those tears for a cheating man or perhaps childbirth. No need to cry over little stuff.

(Disclaimer: If I have offended any white girls, I am truly and deeply sorry *makes sad face*...But whatever you do--please don't cry)

Will you Mary me?

2005-12-02T17:37:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows how big a fan I am of Mary J. Blige. I've loved her music since day one. Her new single "Be Without You" is definitely a banger. She's the "around the way" girl that rocked combat boots and bamboo earrings (at least two pair). She had her bouts with drug abuse and a relationship with this here celebrity "Pookie":

But thank goodness she's got herself together and holds the crown as the Queen of Hip Hop & R&B. Now hopefully Mariah's whiny voiced ass can fall back. Seriously, I don't see what the big deal is; all her songs sound the same (but that's whole notha' post chile!) Mary has that raw emotion and truth in her voice that makes you wanna either love your man to no end, or throw a scalding pot of tomatoe sauce on his ass followed by some grits--with cheese, depending upon the song. She doesn't always win but, who does? I must admit, her last two albums I wasn't feeling much(though they did have some gems). "Mary" was the last one that remained in my cd player on repeat. I caught a lot of heat for this, but I thought she did a good acting job in "Prison Song". lol

All in all, I can't wait until "Breakthrough" drops December 20th. Check Mary's website for the new video (And doesn't she just look MAAARvelous in it??) and other updates.

P.S. Did I mention Terrance Howard's fine ass was in the video??

GO MARY! GO MARY! GO MARY!

P.S.S--I really wanna change this crappy template but can't find one that I like or meshes with a banner I made..If you have any suggestions please email my CSS illiterate ass some ideas: l.montg@comcast.net

Slow down Terrance Howard (witcho' fine ass!)

2005-12-01T14:30:00.000-05:00

From whoopin' on tricks to shower scenes with Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. Terrance Howard has been in damn near every movie I can think of this year (wit' his fine ass). He's certainly came a long way from Greg Sparks. Yes, he got his ass whooped in Dead Presidents by Larenz Tate (another fine ass).

Yes, he's been spotted recently with a Ultra Perm:

Yes he almost suffered a heart attack at the clutches of Beyonce's powerful thighs:

Yes (jeebus..I pray the water was as cold as my heart!!) he may even have a smaller than average dillznick; via Fresh

But no matter which side of the hand you pimp slap a hoe--HE'S STILL FINE!

I love my men darker than evil, but..

Could it be???!!!!!!!!!!!:

Promiscuous woman please have a seat...

2005-11-28T14:46:00.000-05:00

"Cum Drops keep falling on my head..."

So I just watched the Karrine "Superhead" Stephans interview on the Tyra show today. I was quite disappointed because the interview wasn't very long, and it wasn't the all out catfight the media hyped it up to be. I'm quite sure Tyra cut a lot of the interview. But here's a little play by play:

Tyra: So the reformed hoe Karrine is here today to talk about her book..Hoe come sit down!

*crowd claps on cue*

Karrine: Hello Trya, I'm just here today to talk about being a former whore. I just want to tell the truth.

Trya: So why did you name names hoe?

Karrine: Well Trya. I was just telling the truth..This wasn't a tell all book, it was a tell some book. It wasn't my intention for it to sell so well. But just to let all of you know I did make a lot of money; it is on NY Bestseller's list, The Washington Times, and the Wall Street Journal. Hoes gotta eat too.

Tyra: Whatever hoe you knew what you were doing. Why did you say you loved these guys after they'd given you facials and kicked you out? What part of the love game is that hoe?!

Karrine: I was just telling the truth. I had to support myself.

Audience member: Why did you dedicate the book to your son hoe?

Karrine: I was just telling the truth. It was my story. He was with me when I was sleeping in a car. I'm also on the PTA :) I think everyone expects me to be ashamed.

Tyra: *WTF?! face* Hoe I don't expect you to be ashamed, but you knew what you were doing when you wrote the book. I went easy on you today hoe, so don't catch an attitude with me. I'll get ghetto on yo ass like I did on Tiffany.

Karrine:I was telling the truth. I'm moody today

Tyra: Get off my stage hoe. Next up, Dennis Rodman, Chingy, and a professional groupie :)

Professional groupie yall :(

"In The Mix" just ain't my cup of Flavor-Aide

2005-11-25T19:57:00.000-05:00

No doubt Usher has been doing it big since I was rocking reversible First Down bubble coats and side ponytails back in junior high. I can even forgive the brother for a few mishaps *coughMYWAYvideo*..but lately I've been getting a case of "WTFs?!(what the fucks)" when I see the previews for his upcoming starring role in "In The Mix". I have a few things to get off my B-cups..Where shall I begin...

WTF?! # 1: Urrrsher you are a million-fuckin-aire! Why o' why are you running around in your Diesels and crisp button-ups getting shot in the shoulder for a nobody?. If you're gonna sugar foot for some hoe, can it at least be Linsay LoHOE, or even Tara "my boobs are full of Jack Daniels" Reid, even Hilary "Kiss my i'm anorexic" Duff. Which brings me to my next WTF?!

WTF?! #2: Who is this broad? Her voice makes me dry heave and claw at the ears. And NO -all black men CAN NOT dance unless these ignant negros on Maury count. If you see her tell her Takeitoutside said "HOE SIT DOWN!!"

WTF?!#3. Sonn--err..Chaz Palminteri listen to me: You haven't been cool since "A Bronx Tale". No matter how many times black people quote you, invite you to the Vibe awards, and Murde--excuse me.."The Inc." has used the movie as concept for Lloyd videos..YOU STILL ARE NOT COOL! Dinero wants his steez back. Now stop it before I give you a fucking slap!..(hahaha*shamleess moviequote*)

This movie looks like it just reeks of corn and ass. From the Scarface-esque poster to the previews. A bunch of guido/negro stereotypes and shitty bubblegum lines. My 14 year old sister wouldn't even place her Pretty Ricky cd next to it for fear of even more WTF?! contamination.

Takitoutsidegives "In The Mix" one slice of pizza and 1/4 of 40 ounce

T.I. : From pimp cups to wine glasses

2005-11-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

I can't help but notice the ever changing fashion of T.I. Is it me, or shouldn't he be considered best improved of 05'. Da' hell with Skateboard P

That man is beautiful..No matter how scrawny he may be. I'd ravage his lil lightskinde-ded ass..Too bad he's allready in the clutches of Tiny the pit bull:

*sigh*

Happy Thanksgiving!: HAM's O'plenty at the 2005 AMA's

2005-11-23T16:21:00.000-05:00

Now I don't usually watch the AMA's but I definitley peeped the pics and have plenty of glazing to with these fresh HAM's

Here's our first nominee:

*Now I happen to like Missy Elliot. But WTF? is this monstrosity. She looks like the Hunchback of Notre Damn!-You look a Hot Ass Mess. Now why in the blue hell she decided to come out like that we'll never know. But whatever happened. Get well Missy (mentally as well).

Our next Nominees:

*Serena looks like a HAM as usual..

*Kelly looks nice. I just can't get over that big water jug she calls a head. Where is B and Tumblelina (Michelle) when ya need em?!

*Bow Wow looks like he could be one of their children. And I know his momma taught him better than to come out the house dressed like that. This ain't the Vibe awards negro, go put on a suit and tie. Tryna feel on some asses he can't handle. Last, why isn't he with our next candidate for HAM of the week:

*Now Ciara always manages to look like a deer caught in the headlights. Beautiful she is, but would someone please teach this girl how to pose?! You don't have to vouge or act goofy, just be yourself. As for her attire, it looks like she forgot to take off that sheet she had on in the Lose Control video- I can't hate on the boots though. They're hot.

NEXT!

*Jada Jada Jada; such a beautiful women yet an unflattering "Jada Rocks!" pose. Save it for the band baby! Not the red carpet.. I don't wanna ever see this picture again YOU UNDERSTAND ME Jada--EVAR!!

Caption this pic

Time to wrap this shit up B!!Now that the glazing is over..lets carve. Happy Thanksgiving Haters!!!

PSA: My name is Keshia bitch!

2005-11-22T16:12:00.000-05:00

Not Ke-shee-ah. Kee-sha. Say it with me class: Keeeeee-sha. One more time: Keeeee-sha

Professors are the worst. I know my name is hood common, it may even be a little difficult to pronouce to the untrained caucasian eye. Add the "La" on to the beginning (which I usually don't do) and now my name is "Lake-shee-ah"..WTF? give me kit kat bitch. If you don't know how to prounouce it, just say you don't and spare yourself the wrath of "the black girl eye and neck roll" that Rud--err Keshia of the Cosby Show so accurately displays. Get it? Got it? GOOD!

Load up the boat pa! It's Noah's Arc

2005-11-22T12:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes yes...Americas first black gay show..Sorta like a gay "Sex in the City" without all the the estrogen(or maybe). Ya know, I was getting tired of the influx of gay shows telling me how to "shop this way" or decorate that way" but If loving this show is wroooong..I don't wanna be right. Noah is too cute to be true. Don't you just wanna play with his little man breasts and sip a cappuchino with him?-I know I do. Wade seems to have a stick up his ass (yes pun). Alex just amuses me to no end. I haven't seen this many gay folk since I went to the Destiny Fulfilled tour. Whatchu' know 'bout 7 people (4 gay men 3 straight women) lapping it (and trust NOBODY sat on us women's lap) in a '95 Toyota Corrolla?!--Nothing! I heard so many "bitches" that night, I thought it was a rap concert.

Takeitoutside gives Noah's Arc two snaps and circle!

2005-11-21T20:09:00.000-05:00

It's official. Tyra banks officially hung up her wings and her modeling shoes today. I thought I was going to break down in a heap of sorrow right in front of my monitor. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a big Tyra fan; or as I like to call her "Miss Tyra." Sure she can be silly and ditzy sometimes, but hey-- Look at her!! She's beautiful, she eats (food not crack *ahemkatemoss*), and she's got real lady lumps unlike..*cough*

Not to mention she's a great role model to young women with ANTM and her camp T-Zone. And let's not forget how she laid the smack down on Naomi Campbells candy ass last Friday. What's not to love about her?! I'm so grief stricken right now, I can't even type straight.

*sobs*

I feel like screaming my head off!!!

2005-11-21T18:22:00.000-05:00

Job hunting is definitely the pits and I ain't talkin 'bout peaches. Over the past 2mths I've booked an interview damn near every week. Each time I go on one I get the usual crap:

Fill out an application even though I filled it out online already (the smug asshole)
Computer literacy test- (Motherfucker if I couldn't use a computer how did I email my resume???- asshole)
Stare at the wall
Pretend to be interested in an old REDBOOK magazine with Judith Light on the cover dated March 97'
Glance at your competition (I see you picking your nose-asshole)

Alas, the moment of truth: THE INTERVIEW

*doom doom doom*

Some smug asshole of "authority" comes out all cherry and happy and shakes your hand, Sluggish from their Arby's lunch and Red Bulls drink (like these people actually do work-spare me!). You sit down in the coffee and ink stained chair and crack a smile faker than K-Fed's love for Brittany Spears. You stare at their office surroundings. Pictures of seemingly happy children, lopso opso's, vacation pictures to Aruba. And bam here come the questions. I answer them honestly as possible without making myself look like a slothenly money whore. But here's what I'd say if I didn't need the money and could pay my TMobile bill just by pissing people off:

Q1. So why do you want to work for _________ Co/Inc.?
A1. Because I need money bitch! Whattaya think I'm all dressed to the nines for?
Q2. What would you say are your strongest and weakest qualities?
A2. My strongest qualities are...are..Who gives a fuck? Just hire me. Next question please.
Q3. What would you bring to this team/Co.?
A3. Lots and lots of food to my desk to snack on while I do absolutely nothing but waste company time updating my blog and ask the office idiot meaningless questions I know he doesn't know the answers too..You could share those snacks with me, ya know. I know you don't do any work here asshole.

There you have it..in a nutshell.I would get the job, and live happily ever after like the rest of America..Thee perfect interview. Now if I could just find the perfect job, i'd be fine. But until then, I'll just suck it up and suppress my lazy ways until I get my foot in the door.

Initiation to hateration

2005-10-03T20:56:00.000-04:00

Okaaaay bitches..I'm new to this blogging thing so please bear with me. I'm a 21 year black (*gasp) female (*doublegasp*) old student from S.Jersey on somewhat of a sabbatical from school. I have my AS in Science and I'm going to Rutgers University for SP/06.. pre-med suckas! Okay enough of that personal crap..

I've seen toooooo much shit that I haven't had an outlet for...So consider this my rant box for the next..say--IDK, whenever I get tired of being a hater. Which may be nevAR (goody goody aren't you in luck!)...Time to take it outside bitches!

Takeitoutside.BITCH!

I miss this layout!

We've moved!!!

New York and Pumkin kiss and makeup(literally)

It's about time--To WHOOP THAT TRICK!!!: Flavor of Love Reunion Special

Jim Jones is BAAAAAAALLLLIN!!!

Mike Tyson's style is IMPREGNABLE!!!

Beyonce & Jay-Z= The Black Barbie and Ken?

Robin Givens isn't a golddiger and Oprah as Jesus

Get YO' Shit............Get yo shiiiiiit!

UPGRADE!

Bitch is TERRIBLE

The Chronicles of Whornia

I'm back like cooked CRACK!

Did ya miss me?

I'll throw a cell phone at you crazy!

Movin On Up!!!

Looks like..

You Better WORK!!

Dontcha' know know GOooOOoOOOD!!!!!

The Good, Bad, and Really Funny

*Shakes fist*

I come in the name of Jesus...Repeat after me BEE-YOTCH!!

Fuck Tom Cruise AND Katie!

10 Facts About ME

Lets get together..

Stupid Girls on O'pree today..

Northeast weather sucks.

It's all about....

Mental Junk

WacArnolds is ruining my day!!!!

Hey BITCHES!!!!

Who wore it better?

Kelis' "Bossy" video

Camron's-"Touch It Or Not/Wet Wipes" Video

Shar Jackson we have to talk.

Jamie Foxx --> The New Terrance Howard??

Now listen here BITCHES.

Pimps are having THE BEST WEEK EVAAAR!!

Black women. We got to do BETTER!

Just lookin out of the window...

People I Would Like To Punch In the Face

I've been on my grind..

Fabulousness!!

Nas and Jay: A Beautiful Thing

Something Mos Def Made..

Ashanti. Ashitty. Amazing

Happy Valentines Day

I hate Valentines Day

Kanye West is the new Michael Jackson

It's been a long time....

Saturday slushie

Ray J- the GANGBANGER

B.E.T--Ya dead wrong.

Randoms..

STILLETOS. PUMPS...IN THE SNOW!!

Yesterday was my birthday

Oprah you need to get "Sophia" on em'

The idiots are out of hibernation

There's nothing about Remy

Destiny's Orphans

You shol' is uuuugly!

I seriously feel like crap...

I ain't one to gossip...

HAPPY 2006!!!!!!!!!

My future womb snatchers will watch Wonder Showzen

It's a celebration BITCHES!--(a Christmas celebration)

There's something about Remy...

Quick post:

Newsflash Heffa: You ARE black!

Yea I'm skinny--So what the prollem is?!?

Beyonce...please stop talking

Takeitoutside's "Most Annoying People of 05" List

Not so great weekend..

Nokia commercials = Gift from the devil

Top Model (Tyra you know you done fucked up right?!)

So many events..so much time to hate

Angelina Jolie is a pimp in beautiful disguise

White girls: STOP FUCKING CRYING!

Will you Mary me?

Shakes fist